


Its My Life

by Denstort



Category: Muse (Band)
Genre: M/M, Mention of abuse, Prostitution
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-13
Updated: 2016-04-13
Packaged: 2018-04-04 05:25:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 30
Words: 35,946
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4126866
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Denstort/pseuds/Denstort
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Matthew is a high-class rent-boy....then someone offers him a way out of this life...will he take it?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Matthew was tired, he hadn’t had a night off in the last fortnight; his pimp was making the most of the large business conventions that were in the city. Plus, he also had to service his regular clients.

He’d been dropped off at yet another hotel, to spend another night with yet another business man. He checked himself in the reflective glass of the window, he looked tired, and make-up could only hide so much fatigue.

He walked up to reception and stood waiting for the person behind the desk to notice him.

“Can I help you?” the receptionist said, not looking up. But when she did, he could see the disdain in her eyes. She knew who he was and what he was here for; why else would someone of his age be in such an expensive hotel.

He gave her a similar look and said, “I believe the guest in room five-twenty is expecting me…Matthew.”

“One moment,” she said and went to the switchboard. “Of course sir, right away. You can go up, he’s anxious to meet you.”

Weren’t they always, he thought, he just hoped this one wasn’t into anything over rough; his back still niggled from an over-zealous client a couple of days ago.

He took the stairs and not the lift; it would give him time to get into the right headspace, switch off and detach himself from whatever was coming up.

He stood outside the door and let out a breath, straightened his jacket and knocked on the door.

*******************

He was expecting an older man, they were the type that usually brought his services. 

Married men that hid their ‘kinks’ or sexuality, too frightened to lose their big houses and expensive cars and high paid positions in a messy divorce or scandal. He was okay with that, it wasn’t like they were looking for love…just a quick shag with some high class rent-boy.

He was surprised to see someone not much older than himself answer the door.

“Matthew?” the man said.

“Are you Dominic?” he asked, not sure if he’d got the right room.

“Yes...come in.”

Still unsure as to whether this was the right person, he stepped inside. He voiced his concern.

“You’re a lot younger than my usual clients?”

The man smiled, “Guess I am, does that matter?”

Matthew shook his head.

“So, what do you want?” he said, looking round the room. “I don’t do BDSM or rough-sex…unless you’ve paid for it, which you haven’t. If you want it, you’ll have to pay...cash. You try without paying and I’ll slice you from ear to ear, understand.”

The man, Dominic, if that was his real name just smiled, which un-nerved him.

“No, I’m not into that.”

“Just straight sex then…okay. Do you want me to undress you?” he said, lowering the timbre of his voice.

He saw the man react to it…right, let’s get this done. He moved forward and reached out, but the man moved away.

“No, I don’t want it like that. Can I ask you a question?”

Mathew shrugged, “Sure, it’s your money.”

“Why do you do this?”

The question threw him…not one of his clients had ever asked that question.

“Its good money,” he replied.

“Now that’s a lie,” Dominic said. “I’ve seen you around here, with other men, and I never see them pay you.”

“I like the sex,” he said.

“Another lie...or are those bruises you’re trying to disguise love bites?”

What was with this bloke?

“Listen…do you want sex? Cause’ you paid for it and not to talk.”

“Matthew, you haven’t answered my question, why do you do this?”

He was getting annoyed and little bit creeped out; so he was blunt.

“Do you want to fuck or not!?” he snarled.

“See... that attitude, I don’t think you do want to do this. Let me help you…I can take you away from this.”

He frowned…what? Was he offering to buy him from his pimp….was he another pimp?

“You’re a bloody pimp or a scout for one,” he said and began walking towards the door.

The man grabbed hold of his arm and spun him round…then stepped back when Matthew brandished the blade he’d pulled from his pocket.

“Back off, creep or I’ll call for help, and you really don’t want to meet the help.”

The man held up his hands and moved away, but he didn’t look frightened or angry.

“I was like you once…fooling myself that I did it because I liked it. But you know the truth, I didn’t. I hated it, because I hated myself, and I  
think you’re doing it for the same reason.”

“You don’t know me,” he snapped and opened the door.

“Matthew, wait,” Dominic said.

He turned back and Dominic was holding out a card.

“Take it please…that’s my number. I run a place that helps people that want to get out of the sex trade.”

He wasn’t sure why he took the card but he did.

“If you ever decide that you don’t hate yourself anymore…call me,” Dominic said.

Matthew said nothing and walked out. As he walked he looked at the card, he didn’t need any help…he was where he belonged, but he didn’t throw the card away, he pocketed it.

He took out his phone and called his pimp.

“The guy couldn’t get it up…okay, Room 314….tell him five minutes.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Matthew and Dominic know each other....but they don't know that....yet.

Dominic hoped that Matthew, if that was his real name wouldn’t just throw the card away. 

He’d seen the bruises underneath the collar of the designer shirt, and he held himself like he was in some kind of pain.

The conversation hadn’t quite turned out how he’d wanted it to go, and he’d backed off when Matthew produced the blade. He wasn’t afraid of the blade, he’d used one enough times himself to know that threats were rarely carried through; there were others that did that.

But for all of Matthew’s attitude, Dominic knew he couldn’t be happy; his own experience told him that. Plus, he’d rescued many just like Matthew, and he knew the misery that lay behind it all.

He’d expected the reaction he got to his questions; self-esteem wasn’t a strong trait amongst sex-workers, and Matthew was no different.   
He usually kept his emotions detached, but from the moment he’d see Matthew in the lobby with a client, his control said goodbye.

He was stunning, no wonder he was working for one of the biggest pimps in the area. He watched Matthew for several days, as he came and   
went, and the more he watched, the more enamoured he became.

“So, how did it go?” someone said, which made him jump.

He was back in his home city, and meeting with the man that ran the day-to-day business of his help centres.

“Earth to Dominic,” the voice said again.

“Sorry, Paul,” he said.

“You’ve been distracted since you came back from Birmingham.”

“Sorry,” he said again.

“It’s that escort you tried to help, isn’t it?”

Dominic couldn’t stop the smile, “He was stunning, Paul….beautiful. But he had an attitude to go with it, all front, of course.”

“You gave him your card, didn’t you, not the one for the local centre?”

“I know I shouldn’t have, but he reminded me of…”

Paul put a hand on his shoulder, “You were thinking of James. It’s been twenty years, Dom.”

“I know, but he looked just how I thought James might look now.”

“Dom, I want to think he’s still out there somewhere. He’s my baby brother for Christ’s sake…but twenty years, Dom.”

Dominic sighed…he missed James.

They’d met at nursery and had become inseparable. ‘Like little soul-mates’ one of the nursery staff had said. Then at eight years old, James had gone missing, disappeared on his way home from band practice.

It was only one hundred metres from the mini-bus to his house…but he had gone.

The police searched everywhere, and hundreds of people had turned up to help scour every piece of derelict land and every abandoned house. They had even trawled every piece of water, but there was no sign.

His picture was all over the news, and every car or lorry was either searched or its driver questioned at the major ports, and the airports were carefully watched.

But there was nothing; he had vanished, and eventually Dominic’s parents had to explain to their eight year old son that his best friend may never come back, and then gently tell him that he could be dead.

He cried for three days straight, but he changed from the happy boy into someone very different…and that road had finally lead him to where he was now.

It was seeing Matthew that had triggered the memories. But James was gone, no matter how much he dreamt he wasn’t. He shook himself mentally and went back to his work.

********************

Matthew sighed with relief as he closed the door to his very expensive apartment…finally. All he wanted was a bath…breakfast and bed, in that order; before it all started again.

This time of year was hard work, as it seemed everyone wants Matthew; god knows why. He’d been told by other escorts that he had a bone structure that people would kill for, but all he could see were the dark circles under his eyes from too much sex and not enough rest in between.

He winced as his back twinged once more, and he was sure he would have more bruises to cover by tonight. One particular client, a one-off had been particularly rough, but then again, he had paid for rough-sex. But it had bordered on sexual assault, and if the client hadn’t paid for it, he would have fought like wild cat, risking the beating he might have gotten.

What the client did was nothing compared to the beatings the man that had stolen him away twenty years ago had given him, when he’d tried to fight back.

But that was when he was James. He was Matthew now and James was dead. Matthew was a survivor, and he’d clawed and bitch fought he way to the top. Yes, he had a pimp, but only for the protection he provided, and he didn’t miss the cut he gave him.

Forget work, he told himself, bath…breakfast…bed.

He let out another sigh as he sank into the water. He closed his eyes and let the aches and the memories of the night fade away…except the memory of that man…Dominic. Funny that, he had the same name as the boy that had been his friend in an entirely different life.

He wondered if Dominic missed him…no, they must think him dead by now. Then let it stay that way…this was his life now.

He quickly finished bathing, but as he ate breakfast he found himself looking up the McNeil Centre for Victims of Sexual Abuse and the Sex Trade.

He closed the laptop and opened his I-phone instead…Jesus, tonight was going to be busy. He slept the obligatory eight hours; no more, no less. He ate dinner, showered, picked out another Armani suit, stepped out of the building that his very nice apartment was in, and into the waiting car.

He nodded at the two men in front and scrolled through his list…right, he we go again. 

The first few clients were pretty straight forward. Not all of them wanted full sex, for which he was grateful, as his back was still niggling him. Oral sex he would was very good at, it was something you learnt to get good at quickly; not all johns wanted penetrative sex, and the money was good for little effort.

It was what he was doing at the moment, and he was doing it well if the noise the man was making were anything to go by. This would be over very soon, he’d become very good at telling when someone was ready to come.

Unexpectedly then man suddenly pulled him away by his hair; in fact he was nearly pulling it out……this was suddenly turning ugly.

The blow when it came was sudden and he didn’t have time to defend himself…fuck, he couldn’t reach his jacket where he kept his blade and his panic alarm.

The man grabbed his hair again, his scalp burning from the pain; he knew where this was going, but he was helpless at the moment. All he could do was let the man do what he was going to do, until he could reach his jacket.

The next blow caught him on his face and he was shoved onto the bed, face down…bloody bastard was going to rape him. As he heard the sound of material ripping, he felt blindly for his jacket…got it.

Even as the man forced himself painfully inside him he was pressing the panic alarm. 

Everything after that was a blur of pain and the slick of what was probably blood and come. 

Then there was the sound of booted feet kicking in a door as his ‘protection’ dragged the man off him and showed him what happened if you did something without paying for it.

He stumbled back into his apartment, having told his pimp he could go screw himself and find some other whore to work tonight. He stood in the shower, letting the water wash away blood and some of the pain.

He’d been raped before; it was one of the hazards of being what he was…but this, for some reason…..this felt different; it was one rape too far.

Fuck, what if the guy was HIV positive?

Then he remembered the card that man had given him…perhaps he could help him. He dried himself off and found the card.

“McNeil Centre for Sexual Abuse, how can I help?”

“Is there a Dominic there?” he asked, biting his lip in a sudden fit of nerves.

“Who’s calling?”

“Please, just let me talk to Dominic…he gave me his card…said I could call him.”

“I need a name,” the voice on the other end said.

“Tell him it’s Matthew…he’ll know who I am.”

There was silence that seemed to stretch for eternity…then a man’s voice.

“Matthew…how can I help you?”


	3. Chapter 3

“Matthew, are you okay?” Dominic asked, still a little surprised that the escort had called him.

“Yes…no…I don’t know,” came the reply.

“Matthew, has something happened?”

“He…I…”

“Did someone hurt you?”

“Doesn’t matter, I guess you can’t help me.”

“No, don’t hang up. Talk to me.”

“I can’t, sorry.”

Dominic panicked and suddenly said, “I’ll come to Birmingham.”

There was a silence and he thought Matthew had abandoned the call.

“You’d do that?”

“Yes, we can meet wherever you want, just to talk.”

There was silence again.

“Okay, do you know Cannon Hill Park?”

“Yes, we can meet tomorrow, if you like?”

“I have to work.”

“You don’t have to.”

“Yes, I do…Saturday, the Garden Tea Room, 2pm…don’t disappoint me.”

“Matthew….”

But the phone cut off and Matthew was gone.

***********************

Matthew rang off, he’d desperately wanted to say he would meet Dominic the next day, but if he didn’t turn up, especially tonight he would be paid a visit.

He needed sleep, but knew that sleep would elude him without chemical help. So he took one of his under- the-counter sleeping pills, glad of the oblivion it would give him for a few hours.

He woke sometime later, head fuzzy from the pill and went about his normal routine. He hated these ‘parties’ but they paid well. He looked in the mirror and hoped the make-up would hide his bruise.

Once again he pulled on what he called his ‘work uniform’, but this one definitely wasn't an Armani suit. His lithe frame was perfect for this particular outfit, and he knew it would earn him extra money.

He applied kohl which he knew brought out the blue of his eyes. He smoothed the black silk shirt and tucked a roll of condoms into the pocket of what were very well fitted black jeans…he knew how to dress at these ‘parties.’

The party had already started when he arrived, but he knew the guests with the most money and were his target wouldn’t arrive for another hour. He sat at the bar, fending off the occasional offer and let his thoughts drift.

He’d been surprised that this Dominic wanted to come to Birmingham; not that he would actually turn up, his faith in humanity was long gone. He found himself thinking about his life before…well what he remembered.

What was his best friend Dominic doing now? He was good at art, perhaps he was an artist now. What would he have been, would his love of music continued? He still did love music, and one of his regular clients sometimes took him to concerts, and once he’d been taken to London to see an opera.

But his love was rock music, and any spare time he did have, he would immerse himself in a concert or the local music scene.

He sighed, looked at his watch…time to work he thought as he spotted a well-dressed man walk in.

***********************

“You’re going to what!?” Paul exclaimed.

“I’m going to Birmingham to talk with Matthew.”

“I thought I’d misheard...are you mad? Send one of the local volunteers instead.”

“No, I said I would go. Paul, he’s a lot older than the ones we normally help.”

“Yeah, and probably more damaged, you’re not a counsellor.”

“I’m going Paul. If I don’t, what does that make me, it makes me a liar.”

Paul sighed, Dom was as stubborn as they come.

“Dom, you never do this…well, not never. But at least they’ve been through counselling first.”

“I know, it’s just….”

“It’s James again, isn’t it? Dominic, this Matthew, he isn’t Jams.”

“How do we know he isn’t?”

“Dom, just because he’s the same age and has the same eye and hair colouring, doesn’t make him James.”

“But what if he is?”

“No Dom, how much longer, how many years are you going to search? It wasn’t your fault.”

Dominic looked at Paul then.

“But it was, if I’d gone to watch him practice like I promised, he wouldn’t have had to walk home alone.”

“No, Dom, they think whoever took him had been watching him. They say he would have taken him anyway.”

Dominic sighed, “I know, and I know that he isn’t James. But he still needs help, and he called me Paul.”

Paul held up his hands, “Okay, at least take Morgan or Tom…and don’t give me ‘it’ll scare him away.’ They know how to be discreet.”

“Fine, but only one, I don’t want to scare him away.

***********************

Matthew woke with a raging headache and the vague memory that he might have been with more than one man at the same time. He was still dressed, that was something he rarely did. 

His heartbeat quickened and he emptied his pockets. He sighed with relief; at least he hadn’t been too drunk or high to forget safe sex. But two men at once…that was something he’d never done or would do.

He found two pieces of paper with number on. He scowled and threw them and counted the money he’d found; at least he’d made good money. But it worried him that he may have been drunk or drugged, which meant he’d let his guard down.

That was twice in one week that it had happened, perhaps he was getting too old for this…fuck Matthew, you’re only twenty-eight. What would you do with the rest of your life?

Then he remembered it was Saturday, that man Dominic, could he be the way out?

He got up, Christ he ached, and in places he never normally ached. What had he done with those two men?

He dumped his clothes, which stank of booze, cigarettes, and he stank of sex, so he spent the next hour in the shower. He felt too nauseous for food and time was running anyway. He dressed in his most inconspicuous clothes and ran out of the building to catch the bus.

He walked through the park and he was surprised to see the man actually there before him, sitting at one of the outside tables.

He suddenly felt nervous, as he approached the table. The man looked up, smiled and said.

“Matthew, I’m glad you turned up…would you like something to drink?”

“So, you help people like me?”

“Yes…what do you want, Matthew?”

He hesitated, this could be a life changing decision.

“I want to live a normal life.”

A phone went off behind him and he ignored it, until someone appeared next to Dominic…the person screamed police….what the….?

“What the hell, you’re bloody vice,” he snarled and stood, scraping his chair along the ground.

“No…” Dominic began to say. But he wasn’t listening because he was already walking away….there was no-one to help him; he would never trust another hand that stretched out and said they could help.


	4. Chapter 4

Dominic sat at the table and scanned the park, would Matthew actually turn up? He hoped he would; there was something about Matthew. It wasn’t just that he was stunning to look at, nor was it the attitude, which Dominic loved, whatever it was he couldn’t quite place it.

But that wasn’t important at the moment, getting him out and away from the sex trade was the important thing.

When he’d spoken with Matthew on the phone, he’d sounded distressed, something pretty bad must have happened for him to call; Dominic knew by their nature, escorts and rent boys were a tough breed.

He looked over at Tom, who was sitting at another table…my god he screamed ex-police, and he was certain Matthew would sense it if Tom had sat with him.

Then he spotted him walking towards the café, and for some reason he felt nervous. As he approached he was reminded how stunning Matthew was to look at.

“Hello,” he said as Mathew sat down opposite him.

“So, you help people like me?”

“Yes…what do you want, Matthew?”

He saw the hesitation on Matthew’s face. He could understand that; if Matthew wanted out, it would be a life-changing decision.

“I want to live a normal life.”

It was then that a phone went off…Tom’s phone, and Matthew turned to look as it was an unusual ring-tone. 

Dominic saw his shoulders tense, and he knew that Matthew could tell that Tom was police; not that ex-police would mean anything to someone like Matthew, whose suspicion of the law bordered on the paranoid.

“What the hell, you’re bloody vice!” Matthew snarled and stood, his chair scraping on the concrete.

“No we’re…..”

But Matthew was already striding away, and Dominic cursed himself for listening to Paul.

“Do you want me to go after him?” Tom asked.

He shook his head. He would talk to Matthew again, and he knew how he was going to do it.

*******************

“You’re so bloody stupid,” Matthew said out loud.

“What’s that honey?”

“Sorry, Sonny, just thinking out loud.”

“That’s okay, what’s up, you look really down?”

Matthew sighed and pushed his empty glass over for another drink, which the barman refilled.

“That’s your third in an hour,” Sonny said.

He looked over at the drag queen and a small smile crossed his face at the sequinned vision next to him.

“Just a shit couple of days,” he said.

“I heard, but I heard he got a good kicking for it. I also heard about that party, that isn’t like you.”

“I was…distracted, been thinking about getting out.”

“About time, too many nasty people in this business nowadays.”

“Well I was,” he sighed. “There was this bloke.”

“Oh, Matty, did he promise to take you away from this?”

“Yeah, then it turned out he was copper.”

“What a bastard. But you should get out, before you end up like poor Jamie.”

Matthew suddenly sobered, Jamie had been murdered a few months ago, and he was the one that had to go and identify him…he was only two years younger than himself. How long would it be before it would be him on that slab…who would care enough to come and identify him?

He’d thought this Dominic had been a way out, but he hadn’t been genuine. He really should be working...but tonight all he wanted to do was get drunk and forget…for a while.

He woke up in his own bed with a hangover, not sure of how he got home. Then he spied a glass of water and some paracetamol.

There was a note:

“Your liver will thank me.”

Love Sonny xxxxx

Bless his sequinned heart….thank god it was Sunday; even sinners got to rest on Sundays.

He spent most of the morning getting over his hangover, and the afternoon sitting in his favourite spot, people watching. A wave of sadness washed over him when he saw small gangs of boys playing football or chasing each other.

It was something he had never had chance to do; his childhood had stopped at eight, and the next twenty years had been in a very adult world.

But soon reality returned and Sunday turned to Monday, and he went back to ‘work.’

He slipped into bed, bone weary and mentally exhausted. He was woken by the sound of his doorbell…who the hell?

He was still half-asleep as he padded towards the door, eyes to bleary to look in the spy-hole. He opened the door and he was suddenly very awake.

****************

“I don’t like this,” Tom said. “This isn’t London, you don’t know anyone here.”

“That’s why I waited for Morgan, because he does. This was his turf before he went straight and started working for me.”

They were walking through Birmingham’s red-light district, heading for a particular ‘shop.’

They had to wait for Morgan and his knowledge of the sex-trade, and he had lead them to the pimp that would have ‘handled’ a high-class escort like Matthew. It hadn’t been easy, but the pimp was known to Morgan and Morgan knew the pimp.

Now Dominic was standing outside Matthew’s door, not knowing what sort of reception he was going to get.

A very sleepy looking Matthew answered the door…Jesus, he looked good like that. That thought was shattered when Matthew spoke.

“What the fuck…how did you get my address…piss off copper.”

Dominic held up his hands to protest, but Matthew shoved him.

“I said piss off…get a warrant.”

Then he spotted Tom and sneered….then he spotted Morgan; his eyes narrowed.

“I know you, you used to run with the Johnson crew. I wondered why they got took down so easily. You can piss off as well.”

“Matthew!” Dominic suddenly yelled. “We are not the police, just hear me out.”

Matthew blinked, then seemed to consider it.

“Fine, but just you, they stay outside.”

Dominic nodded and held up a hand to silence Tom and Morgan’s protests.

Matthew stepped aside and allowed him inside.

“Stay,” he said before disappearing into what Dominic assumed was the bedroom. He looked around the room, it was decorated in the minimalist style. There were no what he would call personal things, he could see no photos of family, boyfriend; nothing.

He noticed the expensive sound system and vinyl player. He wandered over and tried to guess what sort of person Matthew was by his music collection. It was eclectic, ranging from Opera to Death Metal…so no help there.

Then he noticed the guitars, very nice ones at that…so, he was a musician as well.

“You’re nosey enough to be a copper.”

He turned and Matthew had dressed, his sweat pants and Marylyn Manson tee at odds with the décor.

“So explain, I don’t have all day, busy night ahead.”

“May I sit?” he asked, gesturing towards the single chair opposite the two-seater couch.

“Whatever,” Matt said…bloody hell, the attitude.

“I’m not the police. I’ve been on the wrong side of them enough,” he said.

He saw Matthew raise an eyebrow.

“I do run the centres on the card that I gave you. I try to give people the help that I got.”

The other eyebrow joined its fellow.

“You were an escort?”

“No, but I ran with a bad crowd. They ran the local sex trade, I saw how they treated those in their ‘stable.’ 

“So, this is a guilt trip…well, I don’t need that, thanks,” Matthew said.

“No…yes, I hated it, but I ran their drugs racket. If I’d said anything.”

“Yeah, I know,” Matthew said. “So, why?”

“I met a man that gave me a chance, and that’s why I’m here….to give you a chance. You said you wanted a normal life, let me help you.”

“Well, that was last week, not anymore.”

Dominic knew that was his fault.

Matthew shook his head, “I can’t trust you. You can go now.”

“Matthew, please, let me help you.”

“No…get out.”

Dominic shook his head and stood.

“You still have my number, if you change my mind.”

“I won’t...bye,” Matthew said, getting up and then opening the door.

He flinched as the door was slammed behind him…had he just lost his last chance to save Matthew?


	5. Chapter 5

Matthew was not happy and he was about to tear a strip of his pimp; who he knew needed him more than he needed a pimp. He stalked into the shop that was merely a front for what the shop really was, and straight up to the man mountain that stood in front of a door at the back.

“I want to see him,” he said.

“He’s busy,” the man mountain said.

The man was three times Matthew’s size and twice as wide, but he wasn’t intimidated.

“I don’t give a rat’s arse if he’s busy, and don’t try and stop me, you know I can hurt you.”

The man mountain shifted slightly, obviously remembering the last time he’d tried to persuade Matthew to leave. Matthew may be slightly built, but he knew how to hurt people much bigger than himself.

“Well?” he said, raising an eyebrow.

The man mountain opened the door and stepped aside.

Matthew walked straight in and slammed the door, making the person at the desk jump.

“Matty, my boy…”

“Don’t Matty me, you little weasel. You gave someone my address…you broke my rules. I should do to you what I did to Benny out there.”

“Matthew…really, there’s no need for violence. They leant on me.”

“You mean Nicholls leant on you. You always were a pushover without your man mountains…but, since you do get me the richest johns, I’ll let it slide. I’m going to my other place, but if they come calling, so will I.”

*******************

Dominic wasn’t going to give up on Matthew, he would just have to rethink how he approached him; do his research, but in the meantime.

“You want me to do what?” Morgan said.

“Find out how much it would cost to buy Matthew from his pimp.”

“Dom, that’s illegal.”

“And I’m desperate, if I can’t get to him after my next attempt, I’ll resort to breaking the law. I’m going to save Matthew, whether he likes it or not.”

“Well I don’t like it. I know the money you can throw at it will buy the pimp out, but that doesn’t mean that Matthew would be happy. I don’t think he’s a pushover.”

“Morgan’s right,” Tom said as he walked into the room. “I asked one of my Met pals to run a check on him. I gave him that photo we took. His full name is Matthew Jameson, or so he told the police and he’s definitely not a pushover.”

He handed Dominic a file and he read it with disbelief….Tom wasn’t wrong. Matthew had been in a lot of fights, some of the quite serious.   
Been in prison twice for aggravated assault, and numerous cautions for affray and other less serious offences. He read further…theft, deception, fraud, countless fines for soliciting. But he’d also been hospitalised numerous times, the victim of assault no doubt. Yes, Matthew was tough, but he was still a victim.

“All the more reason to get him out, before he runs into someone he can’t handle.”

*******************

Matthew had decided that for a change he would go out and have his own fun, he was going to hit the club and bar area. They had been his old stamping grounds before he’d turned to the higher end escorting. He needed to expend some of the tension that had built up over the last week or so, and the unknown dangers of picking up a stranger would ease that…the danger was what he craved.

But he wasn’t stupid, and he made sure he carried two blades, keeping one in his coat and the other secreted on his body.

As he walked towards the club areas, he was greeted by the street boys and the older male prostitutes; he’d earnt that respect the hard way, and had the scars to prove it. He stopped to talk to one of the street-boys and handed him some money.

“Make sure you give that to your mum, and take the rest of the night off, you’re too ill to work….go home.”

He smiled when the street boy nodded and walked away; he’d be safe tonight.

He continued until he found the bar that he wanted. He ignored the others that were working the place and sat at a prominent table with a bottle of red.

He was on his second glass when one of the others approached him.

“What are you doing here, bitch. Shouldn’t you be screwing rich business men?”

He looked up and said, “Oh, I thought I might slum it tonight, see how you bottom feeders are doing.”

“Well, we all know how you got to the top.”

“You lose, you weep.”

“Didn’t hurt that you screwed and got screwed by every gang boss in the city, even the straight ones.”

He leant back and gave the man his best smirk, “What can I say, everyone’s got a bit of bi in them. Look, I’m not working, I just want a bit of fun. So, untwist your bollocks and go away.”

“Don’t think so, no-one’s going to look at us with you here.”

“Well I can’t screw them all at once.”

“That’s not what I heard.”

He leant forward then and narrowed his eyes, his casual air gone.

“Listen, you stupid tart. I came here to let off some steam, don’t make me take it out on you.”

The other man backed off then, knowing Matthew’s reputation; being top dog or bitch had its upside.

After that he was picked up by a man twice his size….good, he was in the mood for some rough stuff. He left the man’s flat much later, sore but very-very de-stressed.

It was still dark and he hurried along the street, cautious of every shadow. The area he had to pass through to get to his own home wasn’t a good place for someone like him.

There were people here whose gaydar was permanently set on ‘let’s beat the crap out of the fag’ mode. He should have called a taxi, but he needed the fresh air.

He turned down a certain street and saw a group of men approaching. As they drew closer, he began to feel apprehensive, they gave off the ‘we’re out on a gay bashing hunt’ vibe.

He tensed as he passed them, hoping they didn’t sense what he was….sure he could take on one, possibly two, at a push, but not six.

But he was out of luck as he was shoved from behind…he knew he was in trouble.

********************

Dominic was relaxing in his hotel room, hoping to get rid of some of the stress of the last few days. He couldn’t quite place why he was so adamant about personally saving Matthew.

He’d never been involved from the start before, he usually spoke to them after they’d been through counselling. But Matthew, why was Matthew different?

He’s been thinking on it all day…perhaps it was the attraction he felt, Matthew was stunning to look at, but he was sure it was more than that.

Then it hit him…Matthew’s attitude was hostile, antagonistic, but you needed that to survive, and yes he had a long criminal record, yet another reaction to the life Matthew was leading; only the strongest survived.

No, underneath all that attitude and brittleness…there was a scared little boy. He jumped when his phone rang…could it be Matthew?

“Hello, are you Dominic Howard?”

“Yes, can I help you?”

“Do you know a Matthew Jameson?”

“Yes,” he said, sitting up.

“My name is Staff Nurse Lawrence. I’m calling from Queen Elizabeth Hospital A&E….we found your name on a card.”

“Is he okay?” he asked…god let him be okay.

“I can’t discuss that over the phone, are you a relative or his emergency contact?”

“Emergency contact….he doesn’t have any family,” he lied.

“Then you will have to talk to one of the doctors, but you need to come as soon as possible.”

“I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

He rang off and called Tom.

“Bring the car round, we need to get to Queen Elizabeth A&E…its Matthew.”


	6. Chapter 6

Dominic and Tom hurried into A&E and the receptionist let them through. One of the nurses led them to the cubicle that Matthew was in.

“He’s had some pretty heavy duty painkillers, so he might not be that responsive,” she said.

“What happened?” Dominic asked.

“The police think he was assaulted by more than one person. But he won’t tell them anything. Perhaps you can get him to tell them.”

Dominic sat on the chair next to the bed.

“Matthew,” he said.

He wasn’t expecting a response, but eyes that were blackened opened, but Dominic didn’t think there was any recognition, just an automatic response to his name being spoken.

He was about to speak again when a voice said.

“Who the hell are you and get away from Matt!”

Both of them turned and saw a man in the sparkliest suit they’d ever seen, glaring angrily at them. He stepped into the cubicle and repeated.

“Who the hell are you?”

He moved to the other side of the bed and put a protective hand on Matthew’s chest.

Was this Matthew’s partner, Dominic wondered?

“My name is Dominic…”

He was cut off by the man, “Dominic…Dominic?”

The man’s face clouded with anger, “You’re that bastard copper….this is your fault.”

Dominic blinked and Tom stepped forward at the man’s aggressive tone.

“Yeah, your fault. You made him drop his guard, because you stressed him out. This is the result, he wouldn’t have been anywhere near that area, he knows better.”

“Just a minute,” Tom said. “Who the hell are you?”

“Me, my name is Sonny, I’m his friend.”

“Please Sonny, I just wanted to help him,” Dominic said.

“Help him, all you did was confuse him. I want you to leave…now.”

Dominic shook his head, “He called me, did you know that? He wanted help…wanted out. Please, I really do want to help him.”

Matthew suddenly let out a low groan and Sonny’s features softened.

“It’s okay, honey,” he said, stroking Matthew’s hair.

They were interrupted by a doctor, who informed that Matthew was being transferred to a ward for observation. Tom went back to the hotel, after Dominic assured him he would be fine, and himself and Sonny sat in the small waiting area whilst the nurses saw to Matthew.

“Sorry about earlier,” Sonny said.

“It’s okay, I’m used to it,” Dominic replied. “So, you’re friends.”

“More like brothers, if I’m honest. I met him when he was eighteen. He was just another street boy, all attitude and not much else. But then was something about him, y’know. So I sort of adopted him. He was half-starved and well on his way to becoming a junkie, I got him clean and got some food into him.”

“But he was still working the streets?”

“Not like he had any choice, but he had a safe place to come back to afterwards.”

Dominic nodded, “Didn’t he have any family he could go to?”

Sonny shrugged one shoulder, “Don’t know, he never talked about any. I got the feeling he’d been on the street for a while...poor kid.”

“How about you?” Dominic said.

“Me, oh I was never in that line of work. I’m an entertainer, drag act. And big brother to that spitfire in there.”

Dominic frowned at that.

“How do you think he got to be the best escort in this crappy city? It wasn’t on his looks alone, he bit and scratched his way to the top, he’s top dog. That was six years ago and I’ve lost count of the times I’ve had to patch him up, someone always wants to be on top.”

“I figured he was a survivor, I read his police file.”

Sonny looked at him.

“Don’t worry, Tom, he’s ex-CID, still has friends on the force. I don’t care what he’s done. I just want to help him, if he still wants help.”

They were interrupted by a nurse telling them that they could see him now, and to their surprise he was awake, albeit a bit groggy.

“Mattie,” Sonny said and Dominic hung back, not wanting to stress Matthew.

“Where…?”

“You’re in hospital, sweetie, don’t you remember? Did someone beat you up?”

Matthew looked away.

“I’ll take that as a yes. I get why you don’t want to tell the coppers, but you can tell me.”

Matthew let out a deep sigh and shook his head.

“Okay, but you have to talk to someone.”

Matthew turned his head back and he spotted Dominic.

“What is he doing here?” any trace of grogginess gone.

Dominic stepped forward, “You still had my card, they phoned me, thought I was your emergency contact.”

Matthew let out a huff of air at that.

“I’ll go,” Dominic said and started to turn.

“No, stay…please,” Matthew said.

Dominic tried not to look overjoyed and sat down on the other chair.

There was conversation, but not about what had happened and he learnt a lot about the relationship between Sonny and Matthew. It was   
clear there was affection between the two, but not in the romantic way, and he noticed that Matthew had a huge amount of respect for Sonny.

“I swear, the guy nearly wet himself, he wasn’t expecting a short-arse kid like you to stand up to him. I can’t believe you actually bit him.”

“He was a dick,” Matthew said.

“And my boyfriend at the time, but yeah, he was dick.”

Dominic saw a nurse hovering in the background and said, “ I think our time is up. Do you need a lift home?”

“Yeah, thanks,” Sonny said.

“I’ll go outside and phone Tom.”

Sonny waited until Dominic had gone before speaking.

“Matthew, he wants to help, let him. I feel he’s a good bloke.”

“Maybe,” Matthew said.

“Good, I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”

“Kay’,” Matthew said through a yawn.

Sonny placed a kiss in his head, which got a ‘get off, you bloody soppy git’ in reply before leaving.

*********************

Matthew sighed and then winced, his whole body ached; they’d done him over properly. He asked the nurse if there was a mirror and he would have grimaced at his reflection if it didn’t hurt just to move his eyebrows.

Maybe Sonny was right…perhaps he would give this Dominic a try, it couldn’t get any worse, could it?

**********************

Dominic was surprised to get a call from Sonny the next day and he went back to the hospital. Apparently Matthew was deemed well enough to be discharged and the doctor thought he would be better recuperating at home.

He could hear what sounded like an argument as he approached Matthew’s bed.

“No, you are not going back to any of your places. You’re coming back to mine.”

“Sonny, there’s only just enough room for you and Richard. No, I’ll stay at my place in the city centre. I’ll be fine.”

“No, you’ll be tempted to go back to work and that ain’t happening.”

“Sonny…”

“He could stay with me in London,” Dominic said as he appeared.

Both men looked at him.

“I have a huge house and only me in it. You could have your own rooms and not even have to see me.”

He thought by the look on Matthew’s face that he was going to tell him to sod off, but he nearly fell over when Matthew said.

“Okay…but just for a few days. No trying to talk me into giving up though.”

“Alright.”

“I need to swing by my place in Mosely to get some clothes n’ other stuff.”

Dominic nodded. “I’ll bring the car to the pick- up point.”

He walked quickly back to the car, where Tom was waiting.

“Matthew is going to be staying with me for a few days.”

Tom wasn’t happy, “Are you sure, he doesn’t strike me as the friendliest of blokes.”

“Doesn’t matter, it’ll give him a chance to see what life would be like outside of the sex-trade.”

Tom shrugged his shoulders and pulled the car out of the car park and drove towards the hospital drop-off and pick-up point.

Matthew was already waiting, using Sonny as a human crutch; he looked unsteady on his feet. 

After a good hour of helping Matthew get enough clothes together, they were finally ready to get under way back to London.

“You take care, Mattie,” Sonny said.

Matthew smiled, “I won’t be gone long.”

Sonny watched as the car joined the traffic and sighed. As much as he loved having Matthew around, he really hoped that he would find something in London that would keep him there…keep him away from this place, before it finally got him killed.


	7. Chapter 7

Matthew hadn’t seen London since he was eight....not since he’d stop being James. But his memories of the city were fuzzy and clouded by the violence of his departure. He watched the shops and people flash by, then very expensive looking houses. Did Dominic live in one of these?

When the car pulled up to a set of gates, with a six storey house sitting behind them, he knew that he did.

He noticed a tall man standing on the steps as the car pulled up to them. Dominic was the first out, followed by Tom. He stood back and watched as the larger man hugged Dominic…boyfriend…husband?

“When did you get here?” Dominic was saying.

“Last night, though you might need me.”

“Paul called you, didn’t he? Still, it’s good to see you.”

Not boyfriend or husband then…good, he found himself thinking.

The man looked at him and he felt his hackles rise…not another ex-copper. But this one had a quiet manner, but wasn’t weak.

“So, this is Matthew, looks like someone gave you a good kicking.”

He couldn’t stop himself from answering back, “Yeah, well a couple of em’ won’t be peeing straight for a while.”

The man just smiled, but said nothing.

“Anyway,” Dominic said. “Let’s get inside and I’ll show you your room, Matthew.”

*****************

Dominic left Matthew to unpack his things and went down to the kitchen where Chris was waiting.

“You’re taking a big risk, Dom. I’ve read his file, he could be trouble.”

“You don’t think I know that?”

“Paul told me that you thought he might be James. You know he isn’t, right?”

“It was just wishful thinking, I suppose. But there’s something about him Chris, I’m not sure what…but I want to find out.”

Chris sighed, “Just be careful, don’t let your heart cloud your head.”

“Don’t worry.”

“No, Dom, I will worry. You’re not in the business anymore, He lives and breathes it.”

“Then you watch him, and let me try and help him.”

*********************

Matthew looked round the bedroom, it was a nice bedroom, but he wasn’t impressed. He’d been in enough bedrooms and ones that were a lot grander than this one. He still didn’t trust this Dominic, but he knew he needed to rest, and this place was as good as any.

Besides, if this didn’t work out, London would be a good place to start again, and he wasn’t one to pass up an opportunity. He knew that any higher-end pimp would beg to have him in their stable; reputation was everything in the game.

But that was only if this didn’t work out; he would give a try, just to see how it would feel.

There was a knock at the door, then Dominic’s voice.

“I’m making dinner, if you want some. Be about forty minutes.”

He didn’t reply, but he was hungry. But first he wanted to shower, he still stank of hospital. He found the bathroom to be well stocked with higher end branded shower gels and shampoos…at least the man had taste.

He picked out a pair of faded black ripped jeans and a simple tee-shirt; not his best clothes, but he didn’t exactly have time to pack. As he descended the stairs he could smell dinner and his stomach growled.

He followed the sound of voices and found the kitchen.

Dominic smiled at him, but he didn’t smile back, his guard still firmly up.

“I hope you like pasta,” Dominic was saying and placed a plate of what looked like penne arrabiata in front of him, and it tasted wonderful.

***********************

Dominic was pleased to see that Matthew had come down for dinner, and yet again he looked stunning, even in pair of faded ripped jeans and a plain tee; how the hell did he do it?

He was even more pleased that he seemed to be enjoying the food; even though he was quiet. He thought everything was going well, until they started on dessert.

“You could say thank you,” Chris said.

Matthew glared at him.

“It’s okay, I don’t mind,” Dominic said, not wanting a scene.

“No, it’s just manners,” Chris said.

This time when Matthew looked at him, they locked eyes.

“I don’t think he likes me,” Chris said, seemingly unfazed by Matthew’s stare.

“Not fond of coppers or ex-coppers,” Matthew said.

“Oh, it speaks,” Chris replied. “Lose the attitude, doesn’t impress me.”

“Whatever,” Matthew said, not taking his eyes of Chris.

“Come on, enough,” Dominic said, sensing this was going very badly wrong.

“You know, I’ve met blokes like you. You run your mouth, think you’re special because you don’t screw johns in alleyways.”

“Chris….” Dominic warned.

“Yeah,” Matthew said. “Let me guess, your ex-vice. So, you’ve seen plenty like me then. You coppers are all the same, thinking we’re cheap and nasty and will do anything to get the next fix or money before the next benefit pay out. Well guess what? I’ve been with plenty of coppers that don’t mind shagging the arse off people like me.”

Matthew had gotten off his seat and was now in Chris’s face.

“Matthew, please,” Dominic said.

“You ever thought that not everyone has a choice,” Matthew said.

“You done,” Chris said, still unfazed.

“Yeah,” Matthew said.

“Good, cause’ my ice cream is melting, and I like ice cream.”

“Partial to it myself,” Matthew said before picking up his bowl and wandering out of the kitchen.

Dominic blinked.

“What the hell were you doing, Chris?”

Chris let out a breath.

“Testing his boundaries. I need to know how far he can be pushed before he snaps. He’s top dog in his world, and he’ll run rings round us if   
we don’t let him know where he stands.”

“I don’t want him running, Chris.”

“Don’t worry, he won’t.”

“How do you know that?”

“Like I said, he’s top dog, the Alpha in the pack that he runs with. And I’m top in my pack, he’s going to want to get one over on me.”

“Well, I’m going to go and talk to him…” he trailed off when a thought came to him. “Wait, if you two are Alpha males, what does that make me?”

When he saw the amused look on Chris’s face, he scowled.

“I am not that….definitely not that,” he grumbled and tried to ignore the laughter from the kitchen.

*******************************

Matthew hadn’t gone far, in fact he was in the hallway, siting on what was a very expensive antique side-table.

“Do you mind?” he said, wincing when he heard the scrape of a stud on the expensive veneer as Matthew shifted slightly.

Matthew raised an eyebrow and put another spoonful of ice-cream in his mouth….dear lord, what he wouldn’t give to be that spoon.

Stop that, he told himself.

“Nice table, eighteenth century, French by the look of the design.”

Dominic was surprised Matthew knew that; this man was getting more interesting by the hour.

“Yet, you’re still sitting on it.”

Matthew raised the same eyebrow again, then slid off the table.

“You’ve got taste in furniture at least. Can’t say the same about you taste in company.”

“Well, you’ll have to put up with it, he’s my head of security.”

“Hmm, what scared this high-priced whore is going to sneak into your bedroom after dark and do nasty things to you?”

Dominic was about to say not at all, when Matthew walked right up to him and breathed into his ear.

“I’d bet you’d like that...Dominic.”

He tried not to shiver when a hand was trailed across his chest before Matthew walked past and disappeared upstairs with a laugh that was decidedly not of the innocent kind.

He had to take several deep breathes….this was not going to be easy…Matthew was as tempting as the forbidden fruit, and he didn’t think he could stay away from the tree.


	8. Chapter 8

Matthew wasn’t going to let Chris intimidate him; he knew the game and he wasn’t going to back down. He sauntered out of the kitchen with his dessert and sat on a very expensive piece of antique French furniture, enjoying his ice-cream.

Then Dominic came out of the kitchen and walked towards him, this should be interesting. He remembered the way Dominic had reacted back at the hotel room, and a wicked thought entered his head.

He feigned indifference when Dominic showed displeasure at him sitting on the furniture, then he took a spoonful of ice-cream and ate it as suggestively as he could, slowly licking the spoon clean afterwards.

He saw Dominic’s breath hitch…got him, he slid off the furniture.

“Hmm, what scared this high-priced whore is going to sneak into your bedroom after dark and do nasty things to you?”

He then walked right up to him and breathed into his ear.

“I’d bet you’d like that...Dominic.”

He trailed a hand across his chest before walking past and disappearing upstairs, his laugh was decidedly not of the innocent kind.

He looked back and saw that Dominic’s shoulders were tense, his eyes travelled further down…not bad. But then and he didn’t know why, he felt a flash of guilt.

*****************

“He is trouble,” Chris said, who had been watching the little scene from the kitchen door. “And he’s definitely got your number.”

Dominic scowled, “Don’t think so.”

“Dom, I’m straight and married, but if a hot piece of arse like that ate ice-cream like that…”

“Chris!”

“Just telling how I saw it, he knows how to push your buttons.”

“That’s why Paul is coming to stay, it’ll be three against one then.”

“Just be on your toes, don’t let him get to you.”

“Chris, he won’t…trust me.”

***********************

Matthew found he couldn’t sleep, you would think he would be used to strange beds, but he rarely stayed overnight, unless he was paid to; so the bed felt…wrong. He looked at the small digital clock, it was already six in the morning.

Great, less than three hours sleep. He got up and went into the bathroom and scowled. The bruises were fading, but there would be a scar where a ring had connected with his face.

“Bloody bastard, you just made a plastic surgeon a bit richer.”

He really didn’t feel like sleeping anymore…what to do…wait, didn’t Dominic say this place had a gym and a pool. He could do with a work out to ease the soreness and stop the bruising on his body from tightening his muscles.

He was pretty certain he’d packed some sweats, he could use it later. He ignored the rest of the doors that he saw; no doubt one of them was Dominic’s room, but he was only interested in the gym on the lower floor.

As he approached the gym, he heard the sound of machinery…someone must be using the gym. He slowed then stopped and peered round the edge of the door, and his heartrate suddenly quickened….it was Dominic.

He was on a treadmill, and he was bare-chested and sweaty. He suddenly had the urge to lick the sweat of that chest….whoa, where had that come from? It also appeared that other parts of him were agreeing with that urge, as he watched muscles move as Dominic easily kept pace with the machine.

He didn’t realise he’d let out a very audible moan and only just managed to duck out of sight when Dominic stopped the treadmill and looked towards the door.

“Hello?” Dominic said.

Matthew placed a hand over his mouth, before his libido could shout out ‘it’s Matthew….take me please!’

He heard Dominic start walking towards the door and he hurried away…confused as to why his head said he didn’t trust the man, but his body wanted to lay down and give itself to him.

 

************************

Dominic stopped the treadmill when he thought he heard something; it sounded like a moan.

He looked round and said, “Hello?”

He shook his head, he must be hearing things. He was only in the gym at this time because his sleep had been a restless one. At first he’d dreamt of James and how he’d nearly fallen out of tree, when he’d tried to retrieve a kite that had been flying.

He’d lain awake for a while after that, wondering if they would have still been friends, if he hadn’t been abducted.

When he eventually went back to sleep the dream he had was definitely not about James…and it was certainly X-rated…it was of Matthew under him, on top of him, crying out his name in the throes of ecstasy.

So now he was running off the sexual tension he was feeling, he really didn’t want to deal with Matthew with the remnants of such an explicit dream about him still inside his head. He couldn’t deny that he found Matthew attractive; who wouldn’t with those cheekbones and those eyes.

But that was his body talking; his head was screaming at him that is was the last thing he should be doing. But ever since he’d laid eyes on the escort, he felt something and it wasn’t just attraction.

He sighed, left the gym but still couldn’t stop looking at the closed door of Matthew’s bedroom as he passed it.

*******************

_Yes he’s attractive…hell, he’s hot, but it’s a bad idea to fall for him. Blokes like me don’t deserve to feel anything….no, just do the recovery then disappear…I’m beyond help._

“Great, now you’re hearing your little voice,” he said out loud.

_You should give him a chance…you’re not beyond help, and why shouldn’t you allow yourself feelings._

He was going crazy, he had to get out, clear his head. He grabbed the only coat he’d brought, pocketed his wallet, his phone and incredibly a house key…too trusting Dominic.

He was about to go down the stairs, when Chris appeared at the bottom.

“Going somewhere?”

“Out,” he said and continued down the stairs until he was on the last step and just about eye-to-eye with Chris.

“Got a problem with that?”

Chris shook his head.

“Coming back, are we?”

He shrugged his shoulders, “Possibly.”

“Fair enough.”

“And what if I don’t?”

“Well I won’t come looking for and I’ll change the locks.”

“Sensible…later then…maybe.”

Chris moved aside and just watched him as he left.

Dominic stepped out from his hiding place, “Do you think he’ll come back?”

“Don’t know,” was all Chris said.

“I hope so,” Dominic sighed.

********************

“Seriously, you gave him a key and just let him walk out. You know he’s not going to come back,” Paul said.

He’d arrived late in the afternoon and Matthew hadn’t returned, and it didn’t look like he was going to.

“He’s not a prisoner, Paul. If he wants help, he’ll come back.”

“True, looks like I flew over for nothing then.”

“No, stay. I still have centre business to take care off.”

It was soon evening and it was dark outside and Dominic was saddened that Matthew had chosen to run. But he was enjoying having Paul in the house, it kept his mind off the disappointment.

“The charity ball has sold out and the funding drive is going well,” Paul said.

“Good, we need as much as we can for the new centre in LA.”

The sound of the door opening and closing stopped the conversation. It couldn’t be Chris, he was out with his wife…then it must be Matthew.

“He did come back, that’s a surprise,” Paul said. “I finally get to meet him then.”

“Matthew!” Dominic called. “Why don’t you come at sit in the lounge?”

They heard a sigh and possibly some mumbled words, but Matthew appeared at the door.

Paul’s back was to the door, so Matthew hadn’t seen his face.

“Matthew, this is Paul, a friend,” Dominic said.

Paul turned and neither of them were expecting what happened next.

Matthew went very pale and his eyes widened…then he turned and they heard him run upstairs.

They looked at each other….what the hell?

***********************

Matthew had decided to go back…god knows why; nothing was making sense at the moment.

He thought he could sneak upstairs unnoticed, but then Dominic had called out to him, and manners meant he couldn’t ignore him. He stopped in the doorway, ready to say he was too tired for socialising, when he saw the man with his back to him.

“Matthew, this is Paul, a friend,” Dominic said.

The man turned, and a sudden wave of shock and nausea washed over….no…no…it couldn’t be? But it was, he would recognise him anywhere….it was his brother.

He almost threw up there and then, but he managed to turn away and fled upstairs and straight into his bathroom and brought up all that he had eaten…….how was that possible….no, he didn’t believe it.

He retched again but his stomach was empty; he curled up into a protective ball on the bathroom floor, eyes closed tight as all the terrifying images that he had locked away for so many years came flooding back.

 


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bad memories surface and Matthew makes a confession.....but regrets it. Flashbacks are in Italics.

_“Okay, that’s all for today, well done everyone. Don’t forget to have your parents sign those permission slips.”_

_The gaggle of children began packing away their instruments, all expect for one dark-haired boy, who just put the lid of the piano down. The children began to file out and the dark-haired boy was about to leave as well, when the teacher cal_ _led out._

_“James, can you wait a moment, please,” the teacher said and the boy hesitated by the door. “You were very good today James. I think you’re ready to try for that scholarship.”_

_“My dad says we can’t afford the travel fare Miss,” he said._

_“You don’t have to, the school will be paying for it. You are very talented James, you will win that scholarship, I know it.”_

_“I’m really not that good, Miss.”_

_The teacher smiled at that. “Yes you are, and other people should hear you play.”_

_The boy returned her smile, “I have to go now Miss, the mini-bus is waiting.” He sat on the bus, buzzing with ex_ _citement. He loved playing the piano…he loved music. He couldn’t wait to tell Dominic. He’d been disappointed when his best friend had said he couldn’t come and watch his practice session._

_He got off the bus and waved goodbye t_ o _his fellow bandmates and began the short walk to his home. Perhaps he would ask if he could go and see Dominic after tea. He heard a car behind him, but he thought nothing of it; even when it stopped._

_He didn’t even get a chance to cry out when a large hand clamped over his mouth, and he found himself inside the boot of a car; then his nightmare had begun._

_“Bloody shut up!” the man yelled at him._

_“P-please, I just wanna go home,” he sobbed. He let out a frightened whimper when the man reached for him._

_“This is your home now, kid,” he said and picked him up and carried him upstairs._

_**************************_

Matthew felt his stomach heave at the memory of what had happened next, and he only just made it to the toilet before throwing up.

For days after that he’d cried for his family to come and rescue him, to stop the pain….but they never did. 

Seeing Paul had forced open the door that he’d closed and locked years ago, when he’d stopped being James and had become Matthew. 

He took several shuddering breaths to calm his stomach. Now he knew he couldn’t stay; he would go, but for now he was way too tired to even walk, let alone run. He washed his face and couldn’t find the energy to undress, so he curled up on the bed, and for the first time since he was…he couldn’t remember what it age he was, he cried.

******************* 

“Well, that wasn’t the reaction I normally get,” Paul said. “I thought you said he had attitude to spare.”

Dominic looked at the space that had been occupied by Matthew and frowned. “He does, something’s wrong. Excuse me,” he said and Paul nodded.

Dominic wondered what had made Matthew react in the way he had, had something happened whilst he was out? He hoped he could find out. 

He approached Matthew’s bedroom door and was about to knock when he thought he heard…yes, he heard crying. He thought for a second and then knocked softly on the door. 

“Matthew, is everything okay?” 

For a moment he thought Matthew wasn’t going to reply, but he did.

“M’fine.” 

And that was all he got, except for the sound of crying. He shook his head and walked away, but he would find out…you didn’t cry if everything was fine. He had the feeling that there was a lot about Matthew that he had yet to discover, and some of it may not be very pleasant. 

****************** 

Matthew woke with a headache caused by crying himself to sleep. His stomach turned over again as the memory of last night came back...he wanted to just get up and run, but part of him also wanted to see his brother again….even if it was just out of curiosity to see what had become of his family. 

He wasn’t that he cared…any familial attachment was long gone, destroyed by years of abuse and the life he’d led afterwards.

But that didn’t mean he wasn’t interested in seeing if they had ever given up looking for him; if they had cared for him. 

He wouldn’t say love…that was an emotion he had no time for. 

He went into the bathroom and scowled at his reflection, puffy eyes and black circles were not a good look in the mornings; he could do with Sonny’s little bag of tricks to make himself look a little better. A shower made him feel slightly better and he rummaged round in his wash-bag and found some concealer, something he always carried for the mornings after very late nights; it would have to do. 

He looked in the wardrobe and tried to find something colourful to wear, hoping to lighten his mood and banish the remnants of memories he really didn’t want to surface. He picked out a pair of red skinnies and a black t-shirt with a silver flash across the front. He ran a hand through his hair and let out a long breath. 

“Keep it together,” he said. He would be going, but he couldn’t just walk out the door and into the trade. 

It woul d take him a few days to find out who was at the top of the pile, and that would mean going out tonight, and that meant avoiding the ex-policeman who seemed to have his number. 

He couldn’t think about that now….he had the appearance of his brother to contend with. He couldn’t even think about what the odds were that the man that had offered to help him was friends with his brother. 

He could hear conversation as he approached the kitchen and he tensed slightly; his stomach suddenly filled with butterflies; why was that? 

He took a deep breath and walked in. 

“Morning,” he said in what he hoped was a casual manner. 

“Morning,” Dominic replied. “Help yourself to whatever you want for breakfast. Cereals are in that cupboard, or there’s fresh fruit and yoghurt, plenty of bread for toast, or if you’re not a breakfast man, there’s a fresh pot of coffee.” 

“Thanks,” he said and went to the fridge, took out yoghurt and then a box of muesli and placed a couple of large spoonful’s of yoghurt on top of some of the muesli. 

He sat on the opposite side of the table and tried to look at Paul without staring. His features had changed, of course but not much, his brother was twenty when he’d been taken…yet he didn’t seem to recognise him. 

Had he changed that much in twenty years? He knew he shouldn’t feel anything, but he felt a pang of disappointment and he felt the sting of tears that really shouldn’t be forming. 

He fought them back, not wanting to seem vulnerable in front of the others. Then Paul spoke and asked him that question. 

“So, Matthew, do you have any family that we can contact?” 

He nearly choked on his mouthful of breakfast; his reaction not going unnoticed. 

“Matthew, you okay?” Dominic asked. 

He looked at Dominic and hoped he couldn’t see the panic in his eyes, but he must have, and Paul must have seen it too. 

“Matthew?” 

He couldn’t take it and said, his voice almost cracking with the sudden emotion he was feeling; he looked at Paul. 

“You don’t recognise me?” 

Paul frowned, “Should I?” 

He couldn’t stop the tears as he spoke again and used a name that only his brother would know. 

“It’s me….stick-o-matic.” 

Paul dropped his mug, the contents spilling onto the table. He went pale and in a shocked whisper said. 

“James” 

He expected Paul to grab him and pull him into a hug, but instead he became angry. “You bastard, where did you get that name from. Is this one of your mind-fuck games!?”

He looked at Paul, shocked at the reaction….then his own temper flared. “Fine….always knew you wouldn’t give a fuck about what happened to me anyway. Must’ve been a relief not to have me hanging onto to your coat tails! Well screw this….thanks for the bed for the night, I’ll be going. I’m sure I can find me some rich john to screw to get a bed for tonight!” 

With that he pushed the chair away, not caring that it fell over and ran out of the door. He didn’t bother with a coat, he just ran…already regretting the mistake of letting himself actually feel something. 

Well not anymore….not ever.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Matthew goes back to where he feels he belongs and how did he pick Matthew as a name....flashbacks are in Italics.

_It was his fifteenth birthday; not that anyone cared._

_His birthday present had been a beating for not pleasing his present ‘owner’ and to be told he was too old for him, and he was being ‘passed on’ to somebody else, someone who liked older boys._

_ He found himself in a van, but he wasn’t alone.  _

_ Another boy was already inside when he was shoved in.  _

_ They sat in silence until the other boy spoke.  _

_ “I’m Matthew,” he said.  _

_ James just stared at him.  _

_ “Been told not to talk unless spoken to,” Matthew said. _

_ James nodded. _

_ “Well that might change. How old are you?” “Fifteen.” _

_ “Too old for him then….mine too. I’m sixteen. Guess we’ll end up in some whore-house.”  _

_ The van stopped and the driver opened the door and dragged Matthew out. James put his hands over his ears, but they couldn’t block out the sounds…then there was silence…now he knew his fate.  _

_ Then he saw the door was open….he didn’t want to die, so he ran. He was exhausted but he kept running; he could hear the man, who was swearing and breathing heavily. He clambered over a pile of rubble, fear driving him forward. _

_ Suddenly someone grabbed him and he cried out.  _

_ A hand was clamped over his mouth and he was dragged back. “Sssh,” a voice hissed, then he watched in wide-eyed fear as the man ran past. _

_ After what seemed an eternity, the voice said, “I think he’s gone.”  _

_ Then the hand was gone and he was turned, and saw his possible saviour for the first time. He didn’t look much older than him.  _

_ “I saw what he did to that kid, you were next, weren’t you?” _

_ James nodded.  _

_ “Well, stick with me and you’ll be okay…name’s Kenny, what’s yours?” _

_ James hesitated, then said, “Matthew.”  _

_ “Okay, Matthew, I’ve got somewhere warm and safe you can sleep, if you want?”  _

_ They climbed the same pile of rubble and Kenny touched his arm.  _

_ “Best not to look…did you know his name?”  _

_ He shook his head. _

_ “I’ll call the coppers when we get back…can’t leave the poor bastard out there over-night…too many rats, come on.” _

_ James looked at the dark shape on the ground and the spreading dark pool surrounding it, and that was the night that James died and Matthew was born…like a macabre phoenix, born from the death of one Matthew to become another…one that would have control of his life. _

 

***********************

Matthew was running again…not from death this time, but from a shattered and fleeting hope, and like that time, he just ran, not knowing or caring where he was going….just wanting to get away. He did stop but only because his bruised body were screaming in protest, and his chest was on fire. 

He had no clue where he was, but there was bus stop nearby with a seat and some shelter from the cold wind. He sank onto the bench and tried to suck in oxygen, whilst trying to ignore the pain, and not just the physical pain. 

Stupid…stupid…stupid…what were you thinking; why would Paul believe he was James, and he’d let his temper get the better of him. He sighed…guess my plans would have to be done on the fly now. 

Time to stop acting like a victim. He took out his phone and dialled only one number. 

“Mattie, where are you. I’ve got unhappy clients at my door.” 

“London, and I’m not coming back….no, I need the challenge. Listen, you know London, who’s the top pimp and I mean for the classy stuff, not some back alley whore-house….okay, where is he based…right, and you’re sure he’ll be okay with it?”

“Mattie, he always asks about you when we do business. Tell you what, since you’ve made me a lot of money I’ll call him and send him a picture, let him know you’ll be dropping by. But come back and see me some time, there’s always a party you can work. I’ll text you his work address.”

“Thanks…..just one favour. Look out for Sonny for me.” 

“Of course….now I have to break a few hearts and tell them you’ve moved on.” 

Matthew sighed, then when his phone beeped he read the text…an address, plus a number and a message saying that Samuel would like to see him as soon as possible; the next stage of his life was about to begin. 

Then he realised he was still in red skinnies and tee-shirt; he would need fresh clothes and another shower. But he couldn’t…no wouldn’t go back to Dominic’s….I wonder…yes, he had, so he walked to the end of the street, then searched for the best hotel, booked a room, then called Uber for a car and was dropped off outside the Armani shop in Sloane Street.

Later that afternoon after spending probably too much and having a much needed shower and lunch, he dialled the number of what would be his next pimp. 

“Is this Samuel, this is Matthew…the one Leo called about.” 

“Ah yes, do you want to arrange a time to meet.” “Yes, I’m free any time.” 

“Then shall we say seven at my place of business.”

“Seven it is.” 

Several hours later he stepped into a decidedly classy looking massage parlour, but he knew a gilded cage was still a cage. He was shown into an office, but wasn’t kept waiting long. 

Samuel he discovered looked exactly how he’d expected him to look.

“Leo was right…I have clients that are going to fall over each other to be one of your regulars. You are quite exquisite.”

“Did Leo tell you how I work?” 

“Yes, and I can see no reason why we can’t continue in the same vein. I will provide you with the clients and my protection and the same percentage of the fees.” 

Matthew nodded, “Good, now I need something from you…I need some personal protection.” 

“A gun?”

“No, guns are noisy and messy…I need blades…several.”

Samuel raised an eyebrow and Matthew smiled. “I was top of the pile in Manchester and I intend to be on top here as well, and if that means some blood has to be spilled…well a blade is quicker and very, very quiet.”

He walked out of Samuel’s office, two blades in his possession….forget Dominic…forget Paul….forget James once again…..you are Matthew and this is your world.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Matthew is back at what he does best, but meets a face from the past.................flashbacks are in Italics

Dominic had sat opened-mouthed as what had been a fairly innocuous question from Paul turned into what might be a revelation.

He watched Paul’s reaction when Matthew had said what sounded like a nick-name. At first Paul had looked shocked, then angry and what followed left stunned silence.

Matthew’s outburst hadn’t come as a surprise; he seemed to have a short fuse, once it was lit. But what he said was.

Dominic finally found his voice after staring at the kitchen door for what seemed an eternity.

“Paul….what the hell just happened?”

He looked at Paul who had lost his angry look and was pale and looked ill. 

“That name….how could he know that name. Only I and my baby brother know that name. Dominic…he can’t be…that can’t be James…he just can’t be.” 

He looked at Dominic, “Can he?”

Dominic was just as shocked and confused as Paul….James…Matthew was James, his best friend; the one everyone had thought was dead.

He shook his head. “I don’t know…but I do know that we have to find him. Paul, if he is James.”

“Then I’ve just called him a lying bastard,” Paul said. 

“I’ll call Chris and Morgan, if he’s still in London, they’ll find him.” 

“And if he isn’t, then I may have lost my baby brother…again.” 

*********************

Matthew walked into the bar; he didn’t normally do private functions…well not very often and certainly not during the day. He could feel eyes on him, no doubt other escorts….rival escorts, ones that worked for Samuel and others working for other pimps.

He sat at the bar, watching which men the escorts paid most attention to. It didn’t take long, but he waited for the man to approach the bar. 

The man ordered a very expensive whiskey, then put it in front of him.

He raised an eyebrow and the man said. 

“Hello Mattie, been a while.”

“Hello Kenny,” he replied. 

*************** 

“ _So, when did those perverts grab you?” Kenny asked as he put two meals in the microwave._

_ “I was eight.” _

_ Kenny swore, “Bloody bastards. Well you’re safe here, no perverts gonna touch you again.”  _

_ James looked round the flat; it was full of expensive stuff.  _

_ “This your flat?” Kenny laughed,  _

_ “No, I can’t afford this, I’m only seventeen.”  _

_ “Your mum and dad?”  _

_ Kenny shook his head, “It belongs to my pimp.” _

_ James blinked, “You’re a rent-boy.” _

_ Kenny nodded.  _

_ James was quiet for a while, eating his meal in silence.  _

_ Then he asked. “Do you make a lot of money?”  _

_ “Enough, it keeps me off the streets and out of the way of the pervs that had you.”  _

_ “You’re safe,” James said, a thought now forming in his young mind. “C-could I d-do it t-too?”  _

_ Kenny looked at him,  _

_ “Can’t see why not, you’re a cute kid. He’ll be here soon, see what he says.”  _

_ ******************************  _

“Still in the game then. I heard you were in Birmingham,” Kenny said. 

“Yeah, made it good there too,” he replied. Kenny ordered another round, then said. “You look good, how long as it been?” 

“Twelve years.” 

“Blimey, you know he wasn’t happy when you left. He made good off you.”

Matthew shrugged his shoulders, “You not in the game anymore?” 

“Nope, got out three years ago, run a legit business now. I missed you Mattie.” 

“Yeah, well you know why I left.” 

“I know. They never did ID that poor kid. Can’t believe no-one missed him.” 

“And that bastard is still out there,” Matthew growled.

"They all are. Is that why you’re here…revenge.” 

Matthew shook his head….although. 

“Got to the top, nowhere to go, thought I’d try my luck here.” 

He looked round the room, “Not much competition though.”

Kenny let out a laugh, “That’s true. You working for someone?” 

“Samuel, but not directly for him.”

“Samuel, yeah, he’s the best. So, you got any hook-ups?” 

“No-one worth my time,” he replied, then reached out and put a hand on Kenny’s thigh, “except you.” 

Matthew opened his eyes and screwed them up at the bright sunlight. For a moment he was unsure as to where he was; then it came back to him…Kenny. “

Well good morning, or should I say good afternoon. I’d forgotten you can sleep like the dead after sex,” Kenny said. 

He leant over and kissed him,” then groaned as he straightened. “Bloody hell, you’re still a wildcat when you let go.” 

Matthew looked at him, and along with the memory of last night, memories of the time that had been together flooded back. He couldn’t say whether he’d loved Kenny or not, but he did care for him. 

They had been two young boys, clinging to each other for comfort.

“I know that look, at least have lunch with me.”

Matthew said nothing, but he enjoyed the lunch, and when he kissed Kenny afterwards, 

Kenny said. “If you ever want to get out…call me,” he said and gave him his number. 

“See you around,” he said in reply. 

“Yeah, be careful, Mattie, “Kenny said. 

********************* 

“If he’s still here, he’ll probably try and find the best pimp to work for,” Chris said. “I’ll ask Morgan. Dominic, are you sure that Matthew is James?” 

“Chris, I don’t know what to think, but we have to know one way or another. So we have to find him.”

“Dom, I can’t promise anything. He’s probably very good at this, don’t get your or let Paul get his hopes up, But if he his James, he won’t be the James you knew.” 

Dominic closed his eyes, and prayed to god that he was…please let it be…please let Chris or Morgan find him….but if and it was a big if, if Matthew was James…then he was in a world of trouble, because he was certain what he felt for Matthew wasn’t just lust.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Matthew is about to continue doing what he knows he does well...or will they find him before he get to deep again.

The first thing Matthew did after leaving Kenny was to find the nearest and best estate agents; he couldn’t live in the hotel forever. He always rented and usually a high value property in a better area, and away from where he usually worked. He had to get on with his life and forget about being part of a family.

Seeing and sleeping with Kenny again had made him realise that you can’t escape your past, and for the past thirteen years he had slept with men for money. He could still clearly remember the first time he turned a trick, and how he had panicked when the man touched him and he had ran, cowering in an alleyway until Kenny had found him.

After that it had gotten easier and by the time he had turned sixteen, he didn’t bat an eyelid. He thought he would spend his whole ‘working life’ in London, and he didn’t think about his family once. He could even had said he was happy; even if having sex wasn’t a choice, but the violence and the rape had stopped…until that night.

It was one memory he wish he could erase, it was yet another murder burnt into his soul; another rent-boy called ‘Danny’. They had been part of a double-team for some rich john, it hadn’t ended well and once again he’d ran, but this time he didn’t stop.

He’d ended up on the streets of Birmingham, half-starved and coked-up.

Now he was back…twelve years wiser…perhaps, but definitely harder, and he’d learnt to fight back. Vengeance had never been something he was into, but after Kenny had said they had never identified ‘Danny’ it had triggered the memory of that night and the van and the boy whose name he had taken.

Had he ever been identified, or was he just another nameless victim? Vengeance was sounding quite inviting now.

“Mister Jameson…sorry it took so long. We can view both properties in an hour. Can I offer you another drink while we wait?”

Several hours later he walked away with two well-appointed apartments and started getting ready for his first night of working in London…the first since he’d been a scared boy.

 

***************

 

“We’ll start with Samuel’s patch,” Morgan said.

“Do you think he's still here?” Chris replied.

Morgan shrugged his shoulders, “Who knows, but if he is he’ll need to work. Matthew’s high-class and Samuels’ about as high-class as you’ll get.”

“Like any of Samuel’s lot are going to tell us anything.”

“Probably not, but others might. You’ve seen Matthew, he’s going to make waves. Some of the others working this patch would have noticed him, if he’s been around.”

Chris nodded, “Morgan, if this turns out to be James Bellamy.”

“I know, but we have to find him first…then we have to try and persuade him to come back.” They began trawling the area and as expected no-one would say if they had seen him; it was a unwritten rule to ‘protect your own and your arse.”

Then they went into a bar.

“Yeah, I saw him, he was at a private party this morning…left with Kenny.”

“Kenny?” Chris said. “Kenneth Sanderson, looks like they knew each other pretty well.”

“And does Mister Sanderson have an address?”

“Don’t know that, but I know where his offices are.”

They walked out of the bar, it was now raining heavily.

“We might as well call it a night. I’ve put the word out and if we’re lucky someone might know where Matthew’s living,” Morgan said.

Chris nodded, “I’ll go and see this Kenny tomorrow. He could be someone Matthew might see regularly.”

“Okay, but Chris, watch yourself. Matthew’s not exactly shy at telling you where to go.”

“Yep, I’ve read his file, and I know he’s got a short fuse once you piss him off. We’ll just have to be on our toes.”

“Chris, wouldn’t it be better to tell them he’s gone. Like you said, he’s not James anymore, if he ever was James. Whoever he is, to have survived so long he must have been one tough kid. He’s damaged, and probably beyond repair.”

Chris sighed, “Yeah.”

**********************

“ _Wanna play?” Dominic looked up from his pile of coloured bricks._

_A dark-haired boy was looking down at him._

_“Okay,” he said and the boy sat down._

_“Watcha building?” the boy asked._

Dominic woke with start…the dream, no the memory still vivid.

“James,” he whispered and wiped away a tear.

He wanted to believe that Matthew was James…but then again he didn’t want to believe it. Because to believe would mean that the damaged man that had run from the house was his friend…and his friend had been through hell.

If Sonny had met him when he was seventeen, that meant for nearly a decade he’d been at the mercy of….he couldn’t even think the words. And what would he do with the feelings he had towards him…would that stop if he was James….oh god, how had it become so complicated?

******************

_He shivered as another blast of icy wind cut through the thin shirt he was wearing. He wasn’t having much luck as the weather seemed to be keeping the johns at home._

_He could hear the music coming from the club over the road; it would be shutting soon, so hopefully he might get some money. He hadn’t eaten in a couple of days…and he was in desperate need of a fix._

_But the lack of tricks meant he had hardly any money._

_Another shiver went through him and he was forced to lean against the wall, hunger and his body screaming for the oblivion of cocaine becoming too much._

_“You okay, honey?” a voice said._

_He looked up and was greeted by the sight of a glittery vision._

_“Oh, you so aren’t, are you? Ronnie, go get the blanket from my dressing room and call a taxi.”_

_He didn’t protest when the blanket was wrapped around him…he really didn’t care._

_“Let’s get you somewhere warm, honey," the voice said._

_The next few days were a blur as he shivered and hallucinated his way out from a cocaine dulled world, and all the time there had been the same voice, offering him warm food and comfort when he saw things crawling up the walls and under his skin._

_When he finally blinked open drug free eyes, he finally saw his saviour._

_“Well hello…my name is Sonny and what is your name?”_

_He didn’t answer at first, trying to gauge whether this man was truly a saviour._

_“Don’t trust me, can’t say that I blame you. If you want to leave, you can. But if you want to stay there’s food and a warm sofa…it’s up to you.”_

_He looked into the man’s eyes and decided there and then that he no longer wanted to live on the streets like a dog. “_

_My n-name is M-Matthew.”_

Matthew sighed, why had that memory surfaced and why at this exact moment. He shook his head and continued walking up the gravel path.

He stood at the door for a few seconds adjusting the new clothes he’d brought. He ran a hand through his hair and rang the doorbell.

A few moments later the opened.

“You must be Matthew.”

Matthew gave the man his brightest ‘work’ smile and stepped inside.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Matthew is back in the game....but something is about to take him on a very dark path....murderous even.

Matthew was pleasantly surprised by the client, who wanted him to visit regularly. He was very picky about his regulars, but the man was pleasant and treated him with respect; something he’d only had from those that had been clients for years.

He needed to start building a reputation, and there was nothing better that a satisfied client to do that. He called Samuel to tell him was free.

“You don’t have to work again tonight…the client was very generous with his payment. I’m sure you’ll be pleased with your cut. Besides I have something that requires your particular set of skills. One question…do you own a tuxedo?”

*******************

Dominic was finding it hard to concentrate on the file in front of him. He still had a business to run, along with the shelters and the programme.

But his mind kept wandering back to that scene in the kitchen…could Matthew really be James?

Even if he wasn’t, Matthew was still someone he wanted to help…and then there was how he felt. His last relationship had fallen apart because that person couldn’t share him with his dedication to helping people like Matthew…well any victim of sexual abuse.

When he’d taken the wrong path and had sank into the morass of the criminal world, he’d seen things that would make decent people sick. But for a long time he wasn’t bothered by it; he was too damaged himself to care.

He could clearly remember the moment that he did.

It had been at what they called a ‘private party’, which actually meant keeping the people who made you money sweet with endless amounts of drink, drugs and sex.

He’d gone outside for a smoke, when he heard it….a choked ‘don’t…please.” 

He didn’t know why he’d stepped into that alley, but he did, and then he’d seen red. He’d found himself holding a man against a wall, his hands round his throat and snapping at the barely legal boy with red marks around his throat to ‘get lost’ before beating the crap out of the man.

It was after that ‘incident’ that he began to grow what he supposed was a conscience, and he began to see things that he’d refused to see before.

Then he’d met the person that changed his life, gave him a chance. His life had been on the up since then, and the more victims he helped, the more he felt the dark stains on his soul fade.

Then he’d been told about a high-end escort by one of his volunteers in Birmingham, one they thought might be the victim of physical abuse.

He didn’t normally get involved until the victim was well on the road to a new life, but for some reason this time he did. Then he’d seen him, just fleetingly, and he’d been struck by how much he looked like his long gone friend James would look like, if he was still alive. 

Of course, he couldn’t be James, but he’d still been intrigued by him.

Now it seemed Matthew’s fate and his path to redemption had become intertwined. They had to find him, even if Matthew wasn’t James, he still might be his saviour.

**********************

Samuel looked Matthew up and down, “Very nice. Matthew, I have a favour to ask.”

“A favour…you do know I will call you out on it one day.”

“No doubt, this is a very important party, and I need someone to make sure the right guest gets the right  
‘companion’.”

“You mean you want the right temptation to the right person.”

“Quite…impress me.”

Matthew scanned the room.

“Woman in the blue dress, the one with the nice diamond necklace. I think maybe a redhead.”

“I don’t have any red-haired men.”

“Not a man….definitely not a man.”

“How do you know that?”

“The fact that she hasn’t looked at a single man since she’s been here, and your boys aren’t exactly ugly… and she’s been looking at the redhead sitting at the bar.”

Samuel nodded and gestured to the red-haired woman sitting at the bar and pointed at the woman in the blue dress.

“She’s a CEO of a fortune 500 company….married, two kids…nice mark.”

Matthew raised an eyebrow, “Didn’t know extortion was part of your game?”

“It’s not, but someone who is, is paying me a sizeable amount to assist them. Is that going to be a problem?”  
Matthew shook his head,” Not my business, not my problem. Getting good money then?”

“Good enough, and a guarantee that they don’t try and muscle in on my patch you’ll get a cut off course for assisting me.”

“So, I’m not working the room tonight?”

“No, there’s someone who needs you skill and talent. He’s been a very tough nut to crack…or so I’ve been told.”

“Well, he hasn’t met me yet, “Matthew said. “Is he here yet?”

“There’s a high-stakes poker game starting in an hour in a private room. He’s somewhat of a gambling man. The people running this have got me into the game and you are coming along as my companion.”

He spent the next hour propping up the bar, bored out of his skull. He was so use to working a room, that not to do so was driving him insane…but Samuel had said he wanted him to concentrate of whoever the mark was…so he waited.

He let out a sigh of relief when Samuel beckoned him over and he followed him into another room.

“Which one is the mark?” he whispered as other people started arriving.

“The one just coming in.”

Matthew glanced over and he froze…no...no…it couldn’t be?

Samuel noticed his reaction.

“Matthew…..you know him?”

It took a beat for him to reply, “No…just getting his measure.”

As the players seated themselves he forced himself to remain calm on the outside, smiling pleasantly when someone smiled at him…but inside he was like a churning ocean.

It was obvious the man didn’t recognise him…but then again why would he? He was only twelve and he was just another faceless body to be used.

But Matthew recognised him, even though it had been sixteen years ago. His hand moved absently to his right shoulder…oh he remembered alright; he remembered the broken shoulder, the pain and the lies that he was forced to tell the doctors.

His other hand twitched and he placed it against his jacket….yes, it was there.

“Matthew, would you get me my usual,” Samuel said.

He blinked then nodded and when he caught him looking at him, he just raised an eyebrow before turning away.  
It seemed like fate or justice had brought him to London….and to this place, and who was he to argue with them….seemed like vengeance was about to get her hands bloody.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Matthew becomes something he never thought he would become.....and it's a path there may be no turning back from.

_“Stop squirming, you little bastard,” the man snarled, as he tried to pin the boy down._

_“It’s hurting me,” the boy whined._

_“It’s going to hurt more in a minute…stop squirming.”_

_But the boy kept squirming, he didn’t want the man to do what he was going to do…because he knew what would be coming after. “I said stop squirming, unless you want to join in willingly.”_

_The boy shook his head and kept squirming._

_The man growled out an expletive and picked the boy up before slamming against the wall. There was an audible crack and the boy screamed as his shoulder snapped._

_“So David, how did you hurt your shoulder?” the doctor asked._

_The boy looked up from the floor and looked over at the curtain. The doctor put a hand on his other shoulder and frowned when the boy flinched._

_“David, did someone hurt you?”_

_The boy shook his head, “I was playing parachutes with my brother. I jumped off too high…can I go home now?”_

_“You have to stay in for a few days.”_

_The boys eyes filled with tears, “Don’t like hospitals.”_

_The doctor smiled and left._

_The boy could hear voices, then he jumped when the curtain moved and he started to tremble when he came in….and loomed over him._

_“You better lie when they ask you things,” he hissed. “I’ll be seeing you tomorrow.”_

_The boy nodded and tried not to flinch as the man put an arm around him playing the concerned parent when the doctor returned._

_When the doctor left once more, the man took his arm away. “Don’t think this will save you…you will do it when you get out of here.”_

_He hated being in hospital…he hated lying…he hated the man that had broken his shoulder, he hated all the men that had made him do things…and at twelve years old, he hated being alive._

_He wanted to cry, but to cry would mean more questions, and he was more afraid of the man that he was any question they might ask...so when the man took him away again, he didn’t resist._

_He only whimpered when the man’s weight pressed on his broken shoulder._

 

******************* 

“So, Samuel says your name is Matthew?”

The man’s voice brought him out of that unpleasant memory and into the still unpleasant present. 

“Yes,” he responded automatically. 

“The name suits you, you are a gift from god. How about a drink?” 

He blinked and took a breath, then smiled his most charming smile. 

“Absolutely.” 

“Not here, back at my place. I have a bottle of Chappellet Signature Cabernet that needs drinking.” 

Inside Matthew felt his stomach do a somersault, but he kept that smile on his face. 

“I don’t recall agreeing to anything.”

“Don’t play coy, you know what this is and I know what this is, and I have just paid Samuel rather a lot of money to spend a night with you.” 

He tried not to gag at the thought…focus on what you’re going to do. 

“Then you know my rules.”

“Absolutely, which is why I paid for the extra services.”

Matthew tried not to shudder at the thought of how far he might have to go before he could get a chance for revenge. 

“Okay…but if I don’t like anything.” 

“I wouldn’t expect anything less...Samuel told me you can handle yourself. I’ll get the car brought round.” 

The car was just pulling away when several police vans and unmarked cars screeched to a halt outside the club.

“Looks like we left just in time.” “

Yeah,” he replied. “But too late for you,” he thought. 

When the car pulled up to the house he had to repress a shudder; it was the same house, with all of its memories. 

He followed the man but hesitated at the door…but only for a few seconds. 

He could almost hear the whispered words from all those years ago. He was in automatic mode as the man poured him a glass of the wine and he flirted out of instinct rather than intent…sudden indecisiveness over-taking him. 

He took a large swallow of what was a pretty decent wine to try and steady himself...but he had the feeling that something wasn’t right. 

That wrongness came crashing in when the man suddenly grabbed him and pushed him against the wall he was standing next to…the glass he’d been holding smashing on the tiled floor. 

“Did you think I wouldn’t recognise you, David?” 

The wine he’d just swallowed threatened to come back up. 

“I’d know those eyes anywhere.” 

The man suddenly put pressure on that shoulder and he was suddenly twelve again. “Does it ache when the weather gets cold…I hope so. I hope you remembered me through it…we never did finish what we started that night, did we? I think now though, you might be able to take what I wanted to do....you won't pass out from the pain this time.” 

Those words dragged him out of the mind-set of a twelve year old boy and into the mind-set of a twenty-eight year old that had taken enough shit in his life.

He looked the man straight in the eyes and said. “And I recognise you…..still the same arrogant pervert who broke my shoulder and still fucked me before he took me to hospital.” 

He felt the man jerk as he pushed cold steel into his gut…anger and fear giving him the impetus. 

“This is for me and for all those kids you did before me and after me.” 

The man collapsed onto the floor and he crouched down next to him, a small satisfied smile on his face. 

“I’ve never killed a man before….but then again, you’re not one are you? I’m not that twelve year old anymore, the boy that you drugged and kept on drugging so that you and your ‘friends’ could do what they wanted. Dying slowly is no fun, is it? Now you’ll know how Jamie and Stefan and Reece felt…..only difference is, at least you’ll get a nice funeral and not have to lie at the bottom of some stinking cesspit.” 

He went through the man’s pockets, ignoring the wallet and only took his mobile. He then stood and smashed the phone that stood on the work-top and ripped the cable from the wall. He walked away then…but only got as far as the end of the drive before he threw up…he’d become the one thing he thought he could never be…a murderer.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dominic meets Kenny........

Matthew had every intention of going back to one of his places, until he looked at his hands and clothes, there were covered and stained with blood….his blood. He couldn’t go back to either of them, as he’d picked places with security, and he didn’t know them enough to trust them not to ask questions.

He shivered as he felt the first flakes of sleet on his skin and his still mending ribs were hurting from where he’d slammed him against the wall. Taking a taxi hadn’t been an options…again there would be questions; so he was walking.

Where the hell could he go? Not back to Dominic’s, there was only pain and rejection there…then where?

He walked for a little longer, mind in turmoil. In the end there as only one place he could go. 

But still he hesitated at the door, looking at his bloody hands and stained shirt. Would Kenny reject him as well…but he needed somewhere   
warm, so he reached out and rang the bell.

“Matthew?” Kenny said when opened the door, then said. “Jesus, are you hurt?”

He shook his head.

“Is that someone else’s blood?”

“He…I,” he started to say but a sharp pain in his chest made his knees buckle and he felt hands catch him as he headed for the floor. 

He never heard Kenny say, “Mattie….what have you done.”

****************************

“Are you sure?” Chris said. “Okay...thanks for letting me know. Yeah, I’m sure he’ll turn up again.”

“Well?” Dominic said.

“Matthew wasn’t at the club. Someone fitting his description was seen leaving just before the raid, with a client. But Dom, this client has a reputation.”

“For what?”

“Violence, and a liking for male escorts that look like Matthew.”

“What…do the police have an address?”

“No…Dom, Matthew can handle himself, the guy is in for a shock. Go home, Dom, there’s nothing we can do. He will surface again...I’m sure of it.”

Dominic sighed; another missed chance. He really should get back, he’d left Paul on his own, and he shouldn’t have, the man may have just found and lost his brother within twenty-four hours.

The taxi seemed to take forever to travel the distance from his office to his house, the rain…no, the sleet making it seem longer. He was about to step through the side-gate when someone spoke.

“Dominic Howard?”

He turned and standing a few feet away was a man.

His old instincts kicked in, “Who wants to know?”

The man smiled, “I’m not here to hurt you. I’m here because of Matthew, you need to come with me.”

Dominic shook his head and didn’t move, “Not until you tell me how you know Matthew and how you know my name and where to find me?”

“No time for that, you really need to come with me.”

“Like I said…why and how?”

“Because I think Matthew is in trouble.”

“And who are you to Matthew?”

“My name is Kenny and I saved his life once. So, are you coming?”

********************

The drive was done in silence, in what Dominic had to say was a very nice car. The car stopped outside a very expensive looking house, but the man didn’t move.

“Matthew doesn’t know that I came to you, so he probably won’t be very happy. But I couldn’t just let this lie.”

“So how do you know my name?”

“He had a card in his pocket, and there’s only one Dominic Howard I know that runs a centre for abuse victims. Wasn’t hard to find out where you live.”

Dominic followed Kenny into the house and into a large living room, but his eyes went straight to the couch, where Matthew was sleeping.

“Passed out on me,” Kenny said.

“Is he okay?” his eyes widening at the blood stained shirt.

“It’s not his blood,” Kenny said. “I think and I hope to god I’m wrong…I think he may have hurt someone.

He held up a blood-stained knife.

“Do you think he was attacked…..I was told he left a private party with a client.”

Kenny looked at him, “You know what he does?”

Dominic nodded.

They both looked over when Matthew stirred, so Kenny took Dominic into the kitchen.

Kenny narrowed his eyes, “What do you know?”

“He’s an escort…I first met him in Birmingham. He wasn’t happy about it at first…but something happened and he called me. That didn’t go to well either.”

“Yeah, he does have trust issues, always has, for as long as I knew him.”

Dominic blinked…how long had Kenny known him?

“You said you saved his life…how?”

Kenny took a mouthful of coffee and swallowed before speaking.

“I used to be a rent-boy in London, had been for a few years. I had just turned seventeen and was coming home after working and was taking a short-cut across some wasteland, when I heard a vehicle. Usually I’d just keep on walking, but I got curious, not many vehicles around at that time of night. So I went to see what was going on.”

He stopped talking and Dominic could see he was struggling with whatever he wanted to say.

“You don’t have to tell me.”

Kenny held up his hand, “No, its fine…just hard to get what I saw out of my head. There was some bloke dragging a kid about my age away from the van. He started beating the crap out of him……he…well, he beat him to death... I couldn’t do anything, he was twice my size. I was about to turn away when I saw another kid jump out of the back of the van and run for it. The bastard went after him and I knew the same was going to happen to him…and I couldn’t.”

Kenny took a deep breath, “Anyway, I got him away and back to where I was staying…and that’s how I met Mattie. He stayed with me until he was seventeen and I never saw him again until a couple of nights ago. I found out later that the bloke was a peado, so he must have been one of his victims. He never talked about it and I never asked, I don’t even know if Matthew is his real name.”

Dominic chest had tightened as he’d listened to Kenny…dear god, if Matthew was James, then how much had he suffered in those seven years.

“Dominic…I think you know more than what you told me,” Kenny said.

Dominic looked towards the kitchen door.

“I think, I’m not really sure, but I think Matthew is one of my friend’s brother, and my friend too. He was abducted when he was eight.”

Kenny was about to speak when Matthew’s voice said.

“But will you still want to be that if I’m a murderer?”


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Will Matthew be gone for good.........

“Matt, did you say murderer?” Kenny said.

Matthew nodded, “Should imagine he’s dead by now.”

“The man you left the club with?” Dominic said, before he realised he’d said it out loud.

Matthew gave him a sharp look, but that was his only reaction to the fact that Dominic knew where he had been.

“He wasn’t a man, he was a sick bastard who thought he could pick up where he left off sixteen years ago,”   
Matthew snapped.

Dominic looked over at Kenny when he took in a sharp breath.

“Him, it was him…oh Mattie”

Dominic didn’t know what to say or where to look when Kenny gathered Matthew into his arms.

“I’ll call the police,” he finally said and jumped when both men shouted “No!”

“What...are you joking, he could still be alive.”

“No,” Matthew said, “He deserves to die.”

Dominic shook his head, “You want to be a murderer?”

Matthew extricated himself from Kenny’s embrace and moved right up to Dominic, almost in his face.

“And he wasn’t?” he snarled. “He didn’t think twice about killing a kid then screwing me afterwards.”

Dominic took a step back, bile rising in his throat.

“Yeah, not so clear cut now, is it? Do you report a stabbing and turn in the perp, or do you say its justice and there’s one less paedophile in the world?” Kenny said.

He then ignored Dominic and spoke only to Matthew.

“Mattie, this needs cleaning up. Tell me where and I can call Manny…Matthew.”

Matthew sighed and rattled off an address, then went back to staring at Dominic, daring him to take out his phone and dial 999.

**********************

Dominic stared into the bluer than blue eyes…searching to see if they belonged to a cold-blooded killer…no, he   
could see something, he could see years of silently suffering abuse at probably more than one set of hands.

He knew he should call the police…but he needed to know something first.

“Tell me….are you really James?”

Matthew’s eyes softened slightly, then he said.

“You said you were building a fort, but we went and played catch instead cause’ Jimmy Stebbins kept knocking our fort over…he was already a dick at that age.”

Dominic’s heart almost stopped…only James would have known that.

“Still is,” he replied, choking back tears, “James…...”

Kenny broke the moment, “Manny says we should go to the address. We have to make sure he’s dead…he needs to know, just in case.”

Matthew nodded and placed a hand on Dominic’s shoulder, “You don’t have to go with us. It’s not your problem.”

“It’s best if you don’t,” Kenny said. “Just in case things have to be done.”

Dominic nodded...they were trying to protect him, he knew what might have to be done; he’d done the same himself, more than once. But he wasn’t part of that world anymore, but he understood. Matthew was still part of that dark world and perhaps Kenny was still in it somehow, even though he’d broken away.

“You will come back?”

Matthew didn’t reply, just picked up his jacket and followed Kenny out of the door….and Dominic had the awful feeling that he might never see Matthew….no James again.

**********************

Matthew hoped that when they walked in the door that the bastard was still alive. He wanted to look into his eyes as he died…wanted to feel the victory. But he was cheated of that, he was already dead.

“Christ, Matt, you’ve made a fucking mess…there’s blood everywhere,” Kenny said.

The man had obviously tried to crawl to the front door and a bloody trail stained the floor and blood was now congealing underneath the body and on the kitchen floor.

The sound of a van pulling up told them that Manny and his ‘cleaning’ crew were here.

They stood to one side and let him do his grisly work.

“I need the knife,” Manny said and Matthew handed over the bloody blade.

“Nice blade…would have stuck him like the pig he was. Should give you a medal for this, but it’ll send a message out to all the other perverts. You going after all of them…my services are available twenty-four seven.”

“Just get rid of him,” Kenny said. “Piece of garbage.”

Matthew watched as two burly men picked up the polythene wrapped body; his stomach turned a little…why did he feel sick at the sight?

Kenny seemed to pick up on his thoughts.

“Because you’re not a killer, Mattie. You did it because of what he did. You’re not coming back with me, are you?”

“I can’t, it wouldn’t be fair on you….or…my brother and whatever family there is. It won’t be fair on Dominic, he’s trying to help people and this would ruin him.”

“Where will you go?”

“I don’t know…..somewhere…anywhere. Tell Dominic I’ll call him when I get wherever I get.”

“Matthew…don’t.”

“Kenny, this is my life. Always knew it would end up like this, just thought it would be me inside that polythene….tell Manny I’ll wire him the money, I’m good for it.”

“Mattie, wherever you end up, don’t go back into the game. Don’t give up on Dominic either or this Paul. You have family out there….people who care about you.”

Matthew smiled, then kissed Kenny.

“Maybe,” he said before turning and walking away from his friend and one time lover and out into a world that really didn’t care.

As he walked his fingers held onto the card that he still carried in his pocket….maybe he would, but not just yet….this life wasn’t finished with him and he wasn’t finished with it.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dominic gets a shock..........

Dominic stopped and looked around the arrivals area, hoping to spot the person quickly.

“Dom, over here!” someone called. He looked over and smiled.

Paul waved at him and he moved towards him, pulling his suitcase.

It had been six months since Matthew has walked out of Kenny’s house and never came back. Kenny had told him what Matthew had said, but he doubted Matthew would call, and he hadn’t.

He’d had a long talk with Paul, who had been visibly upset that he might have lost his brother…again. He didn’t   
tell him what Matthew had told him; he didn’t want to add to the hurt.

Eventually Paul had accepted that if Matthew was James, he wasn’t the James he’d known, and that one day he might come back, but not to get his hopes up.

So, they carried on with their lives, and now Dominic was in LA, the official opening of their first American centre was only forty-eight hours away.

“Makes a change for the flight to be early. You’ll have plenty of time to practice your ‘I’m really interested in the story that you’ve told me for the umpteenth time’ face.

Dominic laughed, “Sponsors are our lifeblood. How has it been going?”

“Busy, we were right to open here. There’s already twenty in the programme, and we’re having to employ more counsellors. The night shelters are full every night as well.”

Dominic nodded. “Speaking of sponsors, if they want to know where their money is going, a visit to one of the shelters will be better than a presentation.”

“I can arrange that,” Paul said.

“Okay, give me a couple of hours to freshen up. Let’s show them the reality of what we do.”

*******************

The volunteer put the box on the table and proceeded to open the envelope she’d been holding in her mouth.

“Again,” another volunteer said.

“Looks like it….oh. It’s a delivery order for bedding and mattresses, and it’s been paid for in full.”

“Well, whoever our mystery benefactor is, I’m glad for it.”

“I wish I knew who they were, so I could thank them.”

“Guess we’ll never know. I hear that Dominic Howard himself is bringing a bunch of sponsors here tonight.”

“They’ll certainly get to know where their money is going.”

“I wonder if he’ll be in tonight?”

“Who…oh, you mean M.”

The door opening and closing heralded the arrival of the first person seeking shelter for the night.

The dining area soon became full, but one of the volunteers spotted a familiar figure. There was no mistaking those blue eyes that tried not to look at anyone.

“So, you think he’s on the streets or working in a house?”

“Not sure, but you can’t miss those bruises…...someone’s abusing him.”

“Perhaps we can get Dominic to talk to him. He might be able to push him to talk, since he won’t talk to any of us.”

They both smiled as the subject of their conversation approached and silently pointed at the food that he wanted before finding the quietest place, and as far away from the others as he could.

********************

“As you can see, once you go beyond the glamour of the front, the real LA emerges. There are too many sex trade related deaths to recount them all, there have been at least half a dozen in the last three months, and those are the ones that are reported. Child and Adult Social Services are swamped, so far too many cases of abuse, whether it’s within the sex trade or domestic slip through the cracks.”

Dominic stepped out of the MPV and waited for the small group of sponsors to join him.

“Our shelters have only been open for three months, but they are already at capacity, and we are having to turn people away.”

He led them into the already busy shelter. He could see there was the usual mix of adult males and females, along with far too many and way too under-age faces.

“As you can see, the need for additional shelter is urgent. Paul, would you like to show them our upper level.”

Paul nodded and led the small group towards the stairs.

Dominic went into the kitchen, he wanted to meet the volunteers, and soon he was clearing tables. He didn’t mind; he preferred this to talking to people who would never know what this life was like.

But if he could make this small group of people see, then his work was done…word of mouth was so much better; especially amongst people with money and wanting something to spend it on besides their yachts.

He was chatting to some of the people sitting at the tables, when he noticed someone sitting apart from everyone else.

“Who’s that?” he asked the person he was talking to.

“That’s M.”

“M?”

“Yeah…don’t know his name, but most round here call him M.”

“Oh…why M?”

“Dunno, they just call him that. Probably cause’ of the scar?”

“Scar?”

“Yeah, haven’t seen it myself, but someone said the letter M is carved on his back. He don’t talk, so no-one really knows how it got there.”

Dominic approached the figure, who had his back to everyone. He was still wearing his coat, with the collar turned up and a hat.

“Not warm enough in here for you?” he said as he sat down behind the figure.

He saw the figure tense, and then get up and head towards the exit. Dominic didn’t want to force the man to leave, so he went after him.

Just as the man reached the door he reached out and touched a shoulder.

The man whipped round and Dominic froze when a pair of unforgettable blue eyes stared back at him. Then the man whirled round and was out of the door before Dominic could react.

It took a few seconds for his body to unfreeze. He hurried out of the shelter, but the man was gone, lost to the night.

He jumped when a voice said.

“Dominic, are you okay?”

He shook his head and blinked…not quite believing what he had just seen.

“Dominic….what’s happened? Dom?”

He blinked again and finally found his voice.

“Matthew…..Matthew is here.”


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Matthew is not in a good place and falls back on an old habit.

Matthew knew he would have to start at the bottom again…well, nearly at the bottom. The house he’d ended up in wasn’t bad, and the ‘proprietors’ were half decent. He’d ended up working as the ‘house runner’ and the house was making a tidy profit.  
Well, it was until a turf war meant new owners.

He’d been lucky to escape with his life, but perhaps death would have been the better option. He’d caught the attention of the new owner and life became something very different; the man was used to getting what he wanted.

Oh he’d fought, but the man was larger than himself and wasn’t afraid to use violence to get what he wanted. The ‘M’ carved into his back with a blade as he was held down was a reminder to him and to others as to whom he belonged to…he was as Morrison told him ‘his bitch.’

The shelter was his only refuge, and he knew keeping it secret from Morrison was endangering his life, but it was his way of fighting back. 

But still he went back, better he take the beating than Morrison taking it out on someone else.

The last thing he’d expected to hear was Dominic’s voice, and things he wanted to forget came flooding back. He’d nearly escaped, but not quite and had silently confronted Dominic….then he turned and ran.

He ran, knowing he had to be back before Morrison returned form whatever ‘business’ he was taking care of….but he was too late. He tried to sneak past the room where he knew Morrison would be, but he only made it as far as the stairs.

He felt a strong hand grab a handful of his hair and he head was viciously pulled back.

“And where have you been?”

*******************

“Are you sure?” Paul said.

“It was Matthew, I wouldn’t mistake anyone else for him.”

They were in the shelter’s kitchen.

“But what are the odds?”

“I don’t know and I don’t care. He must still be working, but why would he need the shelter, he only works high end?”

“No, he ain’t,” someone said, making them jump.

One of the volunteers said, “Danny, do you know M?”

The young man nodded, “He used to work for the Davidson crew…now he belongs to Morrison.”

The same volunteer said to Dominic and Paul, “Davidson used to run this patch, until Morrison muscled in…nasty and bloody. So, he works for that lot now.”

The young man shook his head,” Not work...nobody but Morrison screws him now. Marked him to let everyone know who he belongs to, had him held down and did it...someone said they could hear his screams over the loud music that was playing.”

Dom spoke then, “Where is he?”

The young man shook his head, “Ain’t saying no more, too many ears and big mouths.”

The young man moved away and Dominic made to go after him, but Paul held him back.

“No Dom, Morrison is bad news. It was all over the news here, a lot of people got killed, and we had to deal with the fall-out.”

“Paul, I can’t, its Matthew…no, it’s James.”

“You still don’t know that.”

No Paul it is…look is there somewhere private we can talk?”

“Sure, the office at the back.”

After he closed the door. Paul said, “Okay…spill it.”

Dominic took a breath before speaking.

“After he ran, we…Chris, Morgan and myself went looking for him, and we found him. He was working for some high-class pimp that was involved in blackmail. He was supposed to be at a party that the Serious Crimes Squad were going to raid. But he wasn’t, he’d left with some man.”

“And?” Paul said.

“That man, he was someone…ah hell, he was someone who’d abused him when he was a kid. Matthew, he….”

“He killed him, didn’t he…and who could blame him. But what has that got to do with you still thinking he’s James?”

“Before he and well a friend left to help get rid of the body, he told me…told me something only James would know.”

“What did he tell you?” Paul asked, the tension in his voice audible.

“About the first time we met.”

“What did he tell you?”

“About the building blocks and Jimmy Stebbins.”

Paul blinked, the paled and reached for something to steady himself.

“I remember him telling me that, he was so excited about making a new friend. Oh Christ…James…a-and I didn’t…I called him a lying bastard…oh Christ.”

Dominic put a hand on his shoulder, “You didn’t know and I guess I couldn’t believe it either.”

“We have to find him Dom, we have to find my brother.”

******************

Matthew winced then hissed when he felt the sting of the antiseptic.

“You can’t keep letting him do this.”

Morrison had been particularly vicious this time, wanting to know where he’d been. He hadn’t told him, the shelter didn’t deserve Morrison’s attention.

“Matt, he’s going to kill you one day.”

“S’okay, be over then won’t it,” he replied, before flinching when he felt a sharp pain on his cheek.

“I’ve got to stitch this, ain’t got nothing to numb the pain.”

Matt closed his eyes and suddenly tightened his grip on the arm of the stool he was perched on.

“Done, I ain’t no seamstress, ain’t no doctor either. It’s gonna scar. Here, take these for the pain,” the man said, holding out a bottle.

He shook his head, “I’ve got my own way to kill the pain. Thanks for this.”

He went straight to his room and took a small box from under his bed. For a few minutes he looked at the contents, he knew he was treading a dangerous path; he’d been clean for so long. Then he heard Morrison shouting, thankfully not for him, but soon after that the pain was washed away by drug-fuelled oblivion.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is Dominic too late...........

“Thanks for flying over,” Dominic said.

“No problem,” Chris replied.

“Is it true, what you said over the phone?” “Yes.”

“And you and Paul are sure that it’s him, that it’s James?” “I guess I can tell you now since Paul believes me now, and it’s been a while…too long. Do you remember the night we went looking for him at that place?”

“Yeah, we missed him by minutes.”

“You did, but later when I was nearly home, someone approached me…a friend of Matthew’s…well James now. He took me back to his place, and he was there…and he was in trouble Chris.”

Dominic paused expecting Chris to ask what sort of trouble, but he remained silent.

“Like Paul I still had doubts, then he said something, something only James would have known…something only I and Paul would have known. Then he left with his friend and he never came back, and now he’s here.”

Chris finally spoke, “He survived, all those years. He’s one tough little bleeder, but this Morrison is a bad person.”

“That’s a given,” Dominic said.

“No Dom, before I came here, myself and Morgan asked around. Rumour has it that when Morrison gets bored with or has damaged his latest ‘toy’ beyond repair, they end up on in the morgue.”

“How do they know?” Dominic asked, not really wanting to know the answer. “Rumour has it, but not having seen any evidence, rumour has it that he marks his ‘property’ by carving an M on their back, like a brand. I don’t normally believe rumours, but this one I do, we need to get him away before that happens. Still can’t believe it, after twenty years…James.”

********************* “

_"Relax kid….Jesus, quit shaking, not like you’re a virgin.”_

_“Just never done this before…not sex…just this.”_

_“Oh right…then I got something that’ll help.”_

_ He eyed the needle the man held; he wasn’t stupid, he knew what it was.  _

_ The man looked at him, “Never done coke before?”  _

_ He shook his head, “Just weed and E…normal stuff.”  _

_ “Trust me kid, this will help.” _

_ He tried not to wince as the needle punctured his skin, but minutes later he didn’t even remember the pain, just the man’s voice. “ _

_ "They are going to love you.”  _

Matthew was pulled from his cocaine fuelled memory by coming into contact with the floor, very painfully. 

“Who said you could fucking use?” a voice said. “Get up you useless piece of shit.” 

He felt strong hands in his hair; it was Morrison’s preferred way of showing him who was in charge. The burning pain of his scalp being pulled was joined by the searing pain as the stitches that were only hours old were pulled apart and he could feel blood trickling down his face. 

“And I didn’t say you could get stitched up.” 

He tried to get up but was pushed back to his knees. “On second thoughts, don’t bother getting up.” 

He woke again sometime later, face against the hard floor. It was the second time this had happened; it was a dangerous kink that Morrison had kept hidden, one that could turn into a fatal one. Not that it would be a bad thing, but he knew Morrison wouldn’t be that merciful. He didn’t need to look in the mirror to know what would be there. But he couldn’t hide away, he still had his work to do. 

The other ‘workers’ were angry and horrified and one of the girls took him into her room and carefully cleaned away the blood and tried her best to dress the wound. Another one of the girls brought some arnica cream and gently applied it.

“Why don’t you fight back, honey?” 

“Yeah, you’ve thrown bigger than him out,” one of the other men said. 

“You should run or find someone who  can hide and protect you.” 

He just shook his head and went to the ‘front’ of the house and continued doing what was still his job, running the house. In the end he was too tired and in too much pain to carry on and retreated to his room. He once again went for the box, but found it was gone…Morrison, in control as usual. 

But he needed a fix to obliterate the pain and the memories, which meant he would have to go out onto the street to buy. 

Nobody said anything as he walked out and Morrison had gone; he only turned up when he ‘wanted’ him. He knew it was risky to buy off the street, but all the trusted dealers would be working for Morrison and they knew not to sell him anything. 

He was so intent on buying that he didn’t notice the person that suddenly became very attentive and started following him. He found a dealer whose greed was greater than their fear of Morrison and he brought what he needed, and he hurried back, just in case he returned, and again he didn’t notice the person following him. 

At least tonight he wouldn’t dream or remember. 

The person took out their phone, “Chris, its Morgan. I’ve found the place Matthew is at.” *

****************** 

“The only way we’re going to get in there is by being a paying customer. Do you think you can do that?” Chris asked. Dominic nodded, “Yes, I’ve done it before, and with you two as my muscle, who’s going to question me.” 

“Then we’ll go tonight,” Chris said.

*************** 

Dominic actually felt nervous as they approached the ‘house’. He felt uncom fortable in the clothes he was wearing, and uncomfortable as to where he was. It had been a long time since he’d set foot in one of these places; it felt like another life to him now. 

“What can we help with you with tonight?” the girl said, looking him up and down. 

“Sorry, wrong sex,” he said. 

“Pity,” she said. “Let me go and get the manager. I’m sure he can find you the perfect match.”

Dominic looked at Chris and Morgan, who didn’t look nervous at all…then they all jumped when a scream came from upstairs.

All three of the rushed up the stairs, along with several of the ‘workers’ and Dominic barged his way past the group gathered at the door of one of the bedrooms. 

He could hear the voice of the same girl, “Mattie…Mattie…oh shit.” 

He froze when he saw Matthew sprawled out on the bed...then he saw the discarded needle and paraphernalia for mixing your own fix. 

He pushed the girl away and placed his fingers against Matthew’s neck. There was a pulse but it was erra tic and thready, and his breathing was ragged.

Chris was suddenly at his side. 

“What was his using!?” Chris bellowed. 

“Cocaine,” the same girl said through her tears. “But he never…….” 

Dom cut her off. 

“Call 911…he’s bloody overdosed.”


	20. Chapter 20

Last chapter for while as real life needs attention.........

 

Dominic sat in the waiting area of the ER. He could hear the noise of the busy department, but it didn’t register. The image of Matthew, eyes glazed and unresponsive a constant in his head.

He’d spent ten minutes filling out forms…god he hated how everything seemed to be about money. He had no way of knowing if Matthew had insurance, but he doubted it, so he put the charity’s insurance down; he could argue with his accountants later.

He had to think of him as Matthew, if he thought of him as James it would shatter the façade of calm that he showed to the outside world; not that it made it any better. He didn’t want him to die whether he was James or Matthew.

He looked up when Chris sat down next to him.

“How long has he been using?”

Chris sighed, “I talked to the others in the house. They said he’s been using since Morrison became ‘interested’ in him. Dom, they said Morrison beats him regularly, but worse than that, one of the blokes said Morrison has a sick kink….he likes to choke Matthew, to the point of him blacking out.”

Dominic ran his hands over his face…Christ, this was just getting worse.

“You do realise that Morrison will come looking for him,” Chris said.

“You think he’s got the balls to do that?”

“Yes, he won’t want his little bird to sing. But let me and Morgan deal with him.”

************

“Mister Howard?”

Dominic looked up, “That’s me” he said and they stood.

A doctor in scrubs walked over.

“How is he?” 

“Very lucky to be alive. We tested what was left of the cocaine, you said.”

“Yes.”

“Whoever he brought it from had cut it with strychnine. He didn’t overdose, probably didn’t know it was cut.”

“What?”

“Christ,” Chris said. “And he survived.”

“Well lucky for him that he didn’t take the whole wrap. Or you’d be having this conversation with the coroner. We’re moving him to ICU… just for observation, but I can’t guarantee that there won’t be any permanent damage. I also want to ask about those bruises.”

Dominic looked at Chris who steered the doctor to one side to explain. A few minutes later he returned and sat next to Dominic.

“What did you tell him?”

“That Matthew is in an abusive relationship and we’re his friends and we were trying to get him to leave.”

Dominic nodded.

“I also said that his ‘partner’ might come looking for him. I’m going to talk to their security in a minute, give them Morrison’s description.”

“That’s if he doesn’t send someone else.”

“Dom, Morgan and myself will deal with it. You go sit with him, he’ll need a friendly face when he comes round. ”

“Okay, but be careful,” Dominic said.

“We’ll handle it,” Chris said and walked away.

*******************

Chris walked out of the ER and saw Morgan leaning against the wall.

“Any sign of Mister Wonderful?”

“Not yet, that’s if he has the balls to come himself. Think he’ll try and have Matthew silenced?”

Chris leant against the wall, “Definitely….pretty certain those girls won’t be able to keep quiet, not with Morrison’s type of persuasion. Security has his description…but still, be on your toes. I’m going up to sit outside ICU, just in case.”

“Chris, if he pulls through, how are we going to handle him?”

Chris let out a long breath, “That is the million dollar question.”

*****************

Dominic always hated this part of any hospital; a place where people hovered between life and death…and one of them was…what did he call him, Matthew or James?

No, he would still call him Matthew, to see him as the boy that had been his best friend, albeit for a tragically short time, was far too painful. And yet, he was certain there was still a part of James inside; he’d seen it, back in the UK, at his flat...the guitars and the collection of music. 

Perhaps there was still hope.

He sat and watched Matthew’s chest rise and fall, the only sign that he was still alive. 

“I don’t know if you can hear me, you probably can’t…but I want you to wake up. I want to know what happened, I want to know how you became Matthew…and what happened to James.”

The sudden increase in the volume and speed of the heart monitor stopped him, then the nurse was asking him to leave and the door was closed. A doctor appeared a few moments later and entered the room, and he was once again left not knowing what was going on.

The door opened after what seemed an eternity and the doctor reappeared.

“Is he okay?” Dominic asked.

“He was awake, but only briefly. He was in some pain, but that’s a good thing.”

“How can pain be a good thing?”

“It means there’s a good level of awareness and brain function. He may have slipped back into unconsciousness, but he will wake up again. You should take a break, the nurses will be with him for a while.”

Dominic nodded…were things looking up?

Chris looked round when he walked out.

“Everything okay?”

“Yeah, he woke up for a few minutes, just going for a coffee…you should as well.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah, the nurses are going to be with him for a bit…come on.”

“My ears won’t work in the cafeteria, and the phone signal is rubbish.”

“It’ll be okay,” Dominic said.

They had been sitting for a good ten minutes when Morgan’s voice suddenly and loudly came into Chris’s ears.

“Thank fuck…he slipped past me and I can’t get up into the wards!”

Chris shot up and ran, not waiting to explain to Dominic.

*******************

Matthew opened his eyes and saw only ceiling.

Where am I? It looks like…is this a hospital? He wasn’t sure as it hurt too much to move his head and his vision was blurry. He could hear noises that sounded like things in a hospital…so it must be.

Why was he? He couldn’t recall why he might be in hospital. A blurry image appeared over him, he frowned…who? Then a voice he did   
recognise.

“Seems like you didn’t succeed, let me help you finish it.”

Where were the nurses? Help me. He wanted to call out, but he couldn’t. His panic and fear rose as his vision cleared and he saw Morrison, a pillow in his hands, and the pillow coming towards him.

He closed his eyes, not wanting Morrison’s cruel smile to be the last thing he saw. So he didn’t see a hand close over one of Morrison’s hands, but he did hear someone say.

“Drop the pillow or I will crush your hand.”

“Really?” he heard Morrison say, and his hiss when whoever it was must have applied pressure.

“I will break your hand,” the voice said.

Then there were many voices and his fear became laced with confusion…then another face he recognised…one he didn’t mind seeing.

******************

Dominic was running hard, trying to catch up with Chris. As he burst through the doors of ICU he saw Chris strong arming a man away from Matthew’s room…Morrison!

He arrived at the bed at the same time as the nurses, who must have been busy with another patient or Morrison wouldn’t have gotten near Matthew. He leant over and saw that Matthew was awake and there was so much fear in his eyes.

His first thoughts were for Matthew and ignoring the nurses he said.

“It’s okay, he’s gone.”

He saw some of the fear fade but he was pushed aside by the medical staff. He moved away and his focus turned to Chris and now Morgan, who had hold of Morrison whilst Chris was on the phone.

His temper flared and he found himself right up in Morrison’s face.

“Wasn’t beating the shit out of him enough or your sick sexual kink, you were going to suffocate him in a bloody hospital.”

He looked at Chris who had come off the phone.

“I can’t decide whether I should just let Christopher here take you somewhere nice and remote or hand you over to the police. But I don’t want Christopher to get his hands bloody and you no doubt have smart lawyers. So, here’s a warning…let’s just say I have old friends that are in the same line of work as yours, people that are far more dangerous than you’ll ever be. People that don’t like to see me unhappy…and you make me unhappy, which makes them unhappy, and then they would make your life very, very unhappy…do we understand each other?"

Morrison seemed to be judging whether his threat was real until Chris whispered something in his ear. Morrison nodded, then said.

“Fine, the scrawny bitch was starting to bore me .You can have him.”

“Get him out of my sight,” Dominic said and turned away, his only concern now was for Matthew. 

*****************

Matthew tried to listen to what the doctor was saying.

His fix had been cut with what? He tried to answer the questions the doctor was asking him, but he was far too tired and he kept trying to look beyond the doctor to see if he was still there…not Morrison, he knew he wouldn’t be getting near him again.

He was looking for Dominic….hoping that he wouldn’t turn his back on him like he’d turned his back on him. Would the boy that had once been his best friend be the man that could accept someone who had strayed so far from the light….someone who was a cheap whore, a junkie and a murderer?

If he didn’t then once he was well enough he would find Morrison and let him finish what had intended to do.


	21. Chapter 21

_He flinched and covered his ears but he could still hear the soft murmur of voices, then the door closing. He pressed his hands tighter to his ears when he heard him coming up the stairs...then his voice._

_“There’s no point in hiding, you little bastard. I know every hiding place.”_

_He moved further into the wardrobe, hoping that the clothes would hide him. He heard footfalls then the door was wrenched open and he was hauled out._

_He was angry and he knew what that meant and what would happen._

_“You caused me a problem, you know you don’t answer the door. What did you tell her?”_

_“N-nothing,” he stammered._

_“She asked questions, you’re going to pay for that.”_

_He let out a whimper as he was dragged to that room. He knew what was going to happen; he knew it was going to hurt._

_Hours later he lay on the bed, his tears long dried. It seemed to him that the older he got, the more pain was inflicted...the more he did to him. He flinched again when he heard the front door._

_He had been gone for a long time and it was dark outside. Then he heard a new voice._

_“I want my mum and dad.”_

_He curled up in a ball and began to cry; he was being replaced and soon he would be someone else’s._

************************

Dominic and Paul looked over when Matthew let out a whimper.

“He’s dreaming again,” Paul said. I’ll be glad when this is over.”

“Yeah,” Dominic replied.

Matthew had started showing signs of withdrawal and needed twenty-four hour supervision. They had to move him to a private clinic and Matthew had fought them the entire time, until the orderlies from the clinic physically picked him up and carried him in.

“Poor sod, can’t stay awake,” Paul said.

“Withdrawals a bitch and this is only the first stage, then throw in whatever he’s suffered, you get.....”

“Bad dreams.”

Dominic nodded.

“Dom, I want him to come home with us.”

“That Paul is going to be up to him. We may have to accept that he may not want to. Like it or not he’s not James any more...well, the James  
we knew.”

“Doesn’t matter, he can’t go back to that life. We have to make him see that, at least give him a choice.”

“Yes we do. You go and get some rest, I’ll sit with him.”

“You sure?”

“Yes.”

“Okay,” Paul said and put a hand on Matthew’s arm. “You may not be the James I knew, but you’re still my baby brother....twenty years,” he  
said, shaking his head then leaving.

*********************

Dominic couldn’t imagine what sort of dreams Matthew was suffering...hell, he couldn’t imagine what kind of abuse he’d suffered...actually  
he could, because he’d heard so much from other victims; it would have been hell.

Matthew let out a low groan, he sounded so afraid.

“What do you dream about? I wish it was good things, but I doubt they ever are.”

He started when Matthew’s hand suddenly grabbed his, and those startling blue eyes were looking at him; there was so much sadness in  
them.

“Why didn’t you come to the practice?”

Dominic blinked...how the hell do you answer that? He could hear the accusation in his voice.....your fault.

“Football training overran, I missed the minibus.”

God, that sound like the most feeble excuse in the world.

“He hurt me,” Matthew said.

Dominic closed his eyes, but immediately opened them, the images too awful.He regretted opening them as there were tears in those pained  
eyes.

“No-one came to save me.”

“James....” he started to say.

“Don’t call me that.”

“I’m sorry.”

Matthew turned his head away and drifted off, back into a restless sleep.

Only then did Dominic allow tears to fall....those few minutes of clarity had been the most painful he’d experienced since that day twenty years ago.

He took Matthew’s hand, “Every day I thought about you. I wondered if you were still alive...did you escape? If you escaped, did you have a normal life? Did you have someone special...were you happy? Well, I guess you did escape, in a way. You became someone else, you became Matthew. I want to help you find James again... I want my friend back.”

Matthew stirred again and he must have sensed Dominic’s hand holding his, but he didn’t pull his away...and he let out a breathy sigh, and Dominic let his mind wander back to happier times.

*****************

_“Bet you can’t climb that wall and get some apples before Sabre bites your arse?”_

_“Bet I can, Tommy.”_

_“What you think Bells?”_

_“Dunno, Dom’s fast but Sabre's faster.”_

_“You’re both wrong. I’m going to get you the shiniest reddest apple in the orchard.”_

_He scrambled up and over the wall, looking round for the huge Alsatian that usually ran loose in Mister Johnston orchard. He ran as quickly_  
_as he could until he found the tree that had the best apples on. He quickly climbed it and was on his way back when he heard the dog._

_He ran...faster than he’d ever ran before and made it up the wall just as Sabre reached it, barking his warning to the thief._

_He jumped down and with a flush of pride held out his hand towards James._

_“For you.”_

_He smiled when James blushed and took the apple and smiled again when they shared in on the way home._


	22. Chapter 22

_“Damn Mattie, you look delicious...what’s with the DJ...and is it a Hugo Boss?” Sonny said._

_Matthew smiled as he leant against the bar. “I’m escorting a client to some charity thing. He brought me this.”_

_Sonny smiled, “Ooh, is it the one with the Bentley...please say its the one with the Bentley.”_

_He nodded._

_“Oh, he really likes you.”_

_“Well yeah, I wouldn’t be very good at this if he didn’t like me.”_

_“No Mattie...he likes you as in I want you to be my boyfriend or husband likes you.”_

_“Yeah right, see you Sonny,” he said and left....like anyone would want him like that._

 

***********************

“Matthew.”

 

His name being said in a authoritative tone shook him from the memory...oh right.

“Matthew, pay attention.”

He blinked and looked at the person.

“Concentrate, you wandered again. You need to stay focused.”

He felt a flash of irritation, his little wander down memory lane had taken his mind off his body’s craving for cocaine or any type of chemical escapism.

“We were talking about what happened after you were abducted.”

He let out a derisory snort, “You mean you want to talk about it...I really don’t want to.”

“Matthew, unless you can talk about what happened, then you can’t move on and.....”

“And what?” he snapped. “Become nice little James Bellamy and pick up where an eight year-old left off.”

“Of course not, but you’re still James, somewhere inside he’s still there, and he’s just a frightened eight year-old. You want to avoid pain, that’s understandable.”

His tenuous hold on his temper finally snapped. “Understandable...what the fuck do you understand!? Do you know what it’s like to be shoved inside the boot of a car and...and...”

He broke off then, not wanting to recall even a micro-second of what had happened in those first few hours or what had happened in the years after that. He could feel his hands starting to shake, as the craving for drug-induced oblivion ramped up.

“Matthew, do you feel like you need to use?”

He gave the shrink a withering glare.

“It seems you do. Do you remember the technique I taught you?”

“Fuck the technique,” he snarled.

“You have to do this or the cravings will never decrease. Now, remember the safe place you imagined at the beginning.....”

 

**********************

 

“Is he getting any better?”

“Mister Howard, this isn’t going to be an overnight success. Matthew has a lot of issues besides his addiction.”

“But it’s been nearly a month?”

“Yes, but somewhere and who knows when, what and why, he stopped being a frightened abuse victim called James and became an angry, defensive young man called Matthew. I think it’s that defining moment that we need to discover and everything else I believe will surface. I’m not really an expert in these things, but it seems to me that James and Matthew are two separate people. I suggest, once he’s deemed clean he should see someone who specialises in such cases.”

Dominic sighed, “He has to be made to face whatever that was.”

“Sorry, but yes.”

“Is he up to a visitor?”

“It won’t do any harm, although he has been somewhat withdrawn since our last session.”

Dominic found Matthew in the sun-room, or what he heard the patients call ‘the glass cell". He could see why, you could see out into the world, but not get to it.

Matthew was sitting as far away as he could from the other patients, eyes closed. He sat down next to him.

“James,” he said, determined to use that name, whether he was acknowledged or not.

“I’m sorry, but you must have the wrong person.”

“No, I haven’t.”

Matthew sighed and opened his eyes, then stood and made to move away, but Dominic grabbed his arm. “Please, let me help you.”

Matthew glared at him, then said, “Help...sure, get me out of here and get me a fix.” Dominic shook his head, “No and no.”

“No.”

“No, you can only leave here when you’re no longer craving and accept that you have a problem.”

He was expecting an angry reply, but Matthew just looked at him, then sat down and ignored him. But he wasn’t going to be that easily put off.

“I get you don’t want to talk, and I won’t say I understand why or what you went through, because I can’t.”

Matthew looked at him, “Well that’s honest...not like the shrink.”

“Doctor Phillips is not really an expert in that kind of abuse.”

Matthew let out a snort, “Who is?”

 

“But he’s right, if you don’t talk about it.” Matthew stood again, “No!”

His voice carried across the room, making several patients jump and members of staff look in Matthew’s direction.

“No, Dominic,” he said in a quieter voice.

“Why?” was all Dominic said.

He expected Matthew to walk away, but he didn’t. The look of intense sadness that crossed his features made Dominic’s heart lurch.

“Because it would destroy everything.”

It was said so quietly that Dominic almost didn’t hear it, but he could see what looked like tears threatening to spill out of Matthew’s eyes.

“Matthew,” he said.

Matthew wiped away the tears and then did move and disappeared into the area where only patients were allowed.

“Matthew,” he said again, no matter what attitude or front Matthew showed to the world, Dominic knew that underneath it, he was screaming for help.

 

************************

 

Matthew lay on his bed, those words that he’s spoke still echoing. He closed his eyes, hoping for sleep...but no.....

_“You’re damaged goods...cheap.....nasty...you deserve everything that you got.”_

He tried to close his ears, but how could you block out a voice inside your head.

_“Why don’t you just do it...finish what the drugs started. The world would be a better place without you.”_

“Shut up!”

_"It’s easy...they won’t expect you to do that.”_

The voice wouldn’t stop and the part of his mind that still craved the oblivion of cocaine overrode the part that wasn’t and listened to the voice.

 

******************************

 

Dominic had returned to his rented house, not wanting to go back to the centre. He spent the rest of the day trying to to take his mind off of the sadness he’s seen in Matthew’s eyes and those words.

He was just settling for the evening when the phone rang.

“Mister Howard, you need to come back to the clinic....it’s Matthew.”

“Is he okay?” he asked, panic rising.

“You need to come now.”

He didn’t really know how he got to the clinic, as it went out of his head when he saw police cars, paramedics and a fire crew...what the hell? Then he saw a crowd of people looking up, and he looked up and then paled.....on the roof of the clinic, standing on the edge was a figure.....it was Matthew.


	23. Chapter 23

Dominic ran into the clinic and made straight for the director, who was talking with what was no doubt a detective.

“Mister Howard, thank god.”

“What happened?”

“Somehow and we don’t know how he managed to get past security and get out. We didn’t know he was gone until someone came in and said there was someone standing on the ledge. He must had climbed the fire escape. We think he may have used as well.”

“I’m going up there,” Dominic said.

“No, Mister Howard,” the detective said. “Let our man deal with him.”

Dominic wasn’t having that, “Does your man know anything about Matthew, or his problems?”

The detective’s face told him no.

“Right then. Well, I do and I have some sort of rapport with him.”

He didn’t wait for anyone to tell him no and made for the stairs that lead to the roof. He could hear someone behind him; probably the detective. When he reached the door, he was stopped by an officer.

“Let him through,” a breathless detective said.

Dominic pushed past and ignored the man that was standing a few feet away from Matthew, who was now walking along the ledge, like he was taking a stroll.

He didn’t say anything, for fear of startling him. His heart skipped beat when Matthew turned, and by who knows what kind of luck, performed a neat pirouette. Then he spotted Dominic and sauntered back along the ledge.

“Dommy,” he said as he leant forward....and yes, he was definitely high; those blue irises almost swallowed by his pupils.

“Who would have thought little old me taking a walk would be such an attraction.”

Dominic knew he had to keep Matthew calm; he had know idea what he had taken, so he had no clue as to how he would react.

“Probably because of the balancing act your doing.”

“Oh...well I like to entertain,” Matthew replied and giggled.

“But, as entertaining as it is, you really should come down.”

“Why?”.

“Because you could fall.”

Matthew giggled again, then sobered, “Or I could jump.”

“Well that’s not very entertaining.”

“Not for anyone down there, but for me...wow, showbiz.”

Matthew looked down at the small crowd and waved.

Dominic had to get his attention back, “”So, you managed to get out?”

“Yeah.”

“How did you manage that?”

To his relief and the crowd down below Matthew jumped off the ledge and closed the gap between himself and Dominic.

“I’m very good at picking locks” he said, whispering it like it was some big secret.

“You used as well,” Dominic said, seeing for the first time the white residue around Matthew's nose.

Matthew nodded, “Just a little something.”

“But you had no money.”

“There’s other ways of paying...another thing I’m very good at. You’re boring me now,” he said and proceeded to climb back onto the ledge.

Dominic backed off and moved back to the detective, who was standing by the door.

“Can you get men up here, ones that can move quietly but quickly?” he asked, not taking his eyes of Matthew, who was now sitting on the ledge, swinging his legs like he was in the playground.

The detective nodded and disappeared down a few steps, before speaking into his radio.

Dominic moved back and stood next to Matthew.

“Still thinking of jumping?”

Oh yeah.”

“Be a bit messy.”

“True.” 

“But jumping means you can’t change your mind.”

Out of the corner of his eye, he could see the detective and two uniformed officers slowly approaching. He moved slightly to block them from Matthew’s view.

“Won’t be changing my mind.”

Dominic noticed the change in Matthew's tone and his body language....time was running out. He risked a glance at the three men, and knowing it would definitely distract Matthew, he touched his thigh.

When Matthew whipped his head round to glare at him, the three men pounced; Matthew didn’t stand a chance.

******************

“Handcuffs, are you arresting him, he needs to go to ER.”

“He is, but in cuffs. Then if he’s okay he’ll go to the precinct.”

“On what charges?”

“Well, I’m guessing after he got out, he went and found a dealer, so that’s intent to buy an illegal substance. I take he didn’t have any money and given his former occupation, you can add soliciting. Then there’s endangering his and someone else's life....namely yours.”

“I’m going with him.”

“Suit yourself,” the detective said.

As he followed the non-to happy Matthew, Dominic called Paul.

“Wake up our attorney...the criminal law one and get yourself and him down to....”  
The detective gave him the name of the hospital.

“Why...it’s Matthew.”

*************************************

ER was not a pleasant experience as Matthew was less than cooperative and Dominic wasn't sure how much of that was the drugs, and how much was just Matthew. He didn’t have time to dwell on it as Paul and the attorney arrived, and the arguments began.

After a few hours of observation, the doctor’s declared that Matthew was in no danger and he was taken to the precinct and put in lock-up, which started the arguments between Dominic, Paul and the detective again, who said they would have to argue their case in arraignment court in the morning, but Matthew would be staying in custody overnight.

Dominic and Paul spent a sleepless night, working out and deciding on a plan...and Dominic was going to stick with it, no matter what his attorney or the Board would say. They were also thankful that Chris has been in the States, and he’s agreed to stay at the station, so he could keep an eye on Matthew.

Lock-up was not the greatest place and fights easily broke out; not that Matthew couldn’t handle himself, they didn’t want him hurt or get into more trouble.

They arrived at the court and took seats at the rear. Dominic hated places like this, they were legal conveyor belts and people’s fates depended on what judge you got and what mood they were in.

Paul nudged him and he inclined his head.

Matthew had been brought in through a side door along with several other prisoners.

It seemed like forever before Matthew’s case came before the judge.

“I have been made aware Mister Jameson, that you are in this country illegally and are more than likely going to be deported. The court has been informed that Mister Howard and Mister Bellamy are willing to pay your bail and save the State money and escort you themselves out of the country.”

Matthew looked over at Dominic and Paul, his expression neutral.

“Does the State disagree?” the judge said.

“No, your honour.”

“Good, then bail is posted at fifty thousand dollars and Mister Jameson is released into your care Mister Howard.”

Matthew said nothing, not that they were expecting him to but when they arrived back at Dominic’s house he turned to Dominic and said.

“If you’re expecting me to say thank you, you can think again. It was a choice between this or prison, and just to let you know, as soon as I set foot on British soil, I’m gone.”


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is Matthew finally home?

Matthew sat watching the clouds rush by and sighed. Soon they would be landing in the UK. Strangely the anger he’d felt when he said he would be gone as soon as it was possible, once they had landed had dissipated. It had been replaced by melancholy, as his thoughts had turned to what had happened in the States.

His brush with death and the abuse at the hands of Morrison had been a slap around the face, a wake up call; a reminder that one day his life would kill him.

Then again, what other life was there. He didn’t think he could live the life that his brother Paul wanted him to live. God, that felt strange, thinking in terms of having a brother again: a family. Both his parents were still alive, but no doubt his beloved Nana would be long gone, and what about the little sister that he had never seen?

Was he an uncle? Had they left his room as it was, like he’d seen other families do when their child went missing? Would they accept him as he was now? Then there was Dominic, that man had knocked him sideways, from the minute he’d set eyes on him. Then he’d discovered that Dominic was he friend from all those years ago, and he was floored again.

At first he’d missed his friend, but soon his experience of the darkest side of life had hardened him.

Now he was confused, part of him still wanted to run, but now part of him wanted to stay, wanted to be part of a family, wanted to know if what he was feeling for Dominic was real. He turned away from the widow when he felt someone sit next to him; it was his brother.

“We haven’t really talked have we?” he said.

He shrugged his shoulders, “Guess not.”

“Listen, I’m sorry I called you a bastard, but I didn’t know then. God, this is hard. Please tell me that you really are my baby brother?”

He let out a sigh and nodded; what was the point in lying? He could see tears forming in Paul’s eyes.

“Don’t cry over me. What happened, happened.”

Paul shook his head, “I can’t help it...twenty years of hoping that you would just walk through the door, twenty years of fearing that knock at the door. Matt....hell, what do I call you?”

Matthew looked away as he felt the hot prickle of his own tears, “Call me Matthew.”

Paul sighed, “Okay, Matthew, I know you said you were going to disappear once we landed, but please don’t.”

“Paul I...”

“Please, at least come home and see your family.”

“They’ll hate what I’ve become.”

“Matthew, we haven’t told them yet, just come home.”

He let out a sigh, “Okay.”

Paul smiled and placed a hand on his shoulder.

“Thank you.”

*******************

Dominic had been surprised, no shocked when Paul told him that Matthew had agreed to at least see his family. But he was happy that he had, maybe it would make Matthew see that there was more to life than the world he inhabited.

Now he was sitting in the Bellamy’s living room, trying to explain. They were shocked and Mrs Bellamy and their daughter were in tears.

“I can’t believe it, our James, he’s alive,” Mister Bellamy said.

“He doesn’t go by James now, he’s called Matthew.”

They nodded, “When will he be here?”

“Paul and Chris are driving him down today and we’ll be here tomorrow. But you have to be aware that he’s not James...not any more.”

“Was he...you know?” his sister asked, taking her partner’s hand.

“That’s for him to tell you, but he no doubt was.”

They thanked him for finding their son and he left, knowing that the hard part was coming. How would Matthew react?

*********************

Matthew was actually shaking; he’d never been this nervous. Today he was going to meet his family, the family he’d been ripped away from twenty years ago. Parents that looked so different from what he remembered...older yes, but they looked sad. And a sister that his mother was still carrying when he’d disappeared. Then there were aunts, uncles, nieces and nephews, a dizzying array of photographs that he’d been shown by Paul.

“You ready?” Dominic said as they pulled up outside the house.

He looked at the house and it came back to him, that day, the day he’d ran out of that door, the last day that he would ever do that. He took in a shuddering breath.

“You okay?” Dominic asked. “Do you need a minute?”

“I don’t know if I can do this.”

“I understand, it’s scary.”

“It’s bloody terrifying.”

“It’ll be okay, and if it’s too much you can leave whenever you want.”  
“Okay, let’s do this, before I chicken out and run.”

He could hear voices in the living room and then Dominic came out to him and he slowly walked in.

The expectant faces of the two adults that had stood seemed familiar, yet not.

“ Oh George, it’s him, it’s my baby,” the woman said and was suddenly hugging him.

At first he didn’t know how to react, then he felt the dam that he’d built around his old memories crack and all of it flooded out....he was home.

“Mum,” he sobbed and finally hugged her back.


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Matthew starts to unburden his soul.............

Dominic sat in the Bellamy’s kitchen, he could hear soft murmuring coming from the living room, where a family were reuniting after twenty years. He hoped that Matthew would decide to stay and not just disappear again. He deserved some stability in his life, and not the kind of stability that involved how much someone thought he was worth for a night.

He looked up when Chris entered.

“How’s it going?” he asked.

“Well, he hasn’t run yet. I think...well I hope he’s going to stay.”

Chris sat down opposite him, “I hope so too. I know I said he’s a tough little bastard, but he really isn’t. Despite his record, it’s all a façade, underneath all that front, he’s just a scared kid, who needs his family.”

“Oh I hope so. If he runs again, I fear the next time we see him, it will be in the morgue.”

Chris didn’t answer, but Dominic knew he was thinking it.

“Then let’s hope he stays.”

 

***************************

 

Matthew felt a little bewildered, as his parents talked with him. He knew they were his mum and dad, but he had no concept of family; well, not what most people would consider family.

“We never gave up hope,” his mother was saying.

“I would look out for dark-haired boys with blue eyes.”

“I’m sorry,” he said softly.

“Whatever for?” his parents said together.

“For making you sad.”

“Matthew, it wasn’t your fault, it was whoever abducted you, it was their fault. It was a miracle that you survived.”

Matthew felt his chest constrict...if only they knew what he’d done to survive.

“Mum, dad...I...”

“Son, you look you’ve had enough for today. Why don’t you go and have some rest. Your sister and Paul will be here tomorrow, if you want to come back, that is?” his dad said.

He nodded, not trusting himself to say the right thing. He stayed silent on the drive back to Dominic’s house and for the rest of the evening, and was relieved that neither Dominic nor Chris pressured him into conversation. He excused himself and retreated to the safety of his bedroom, emotional and physical exhaustion sending into sleep before he even had time to undress.

 

 ********************

 

_“You little bastard, you bloody well tried to stab me?”_

_“To fucking right, I don’t do that sick shit!”_

_“I heard you would do anything for a fix!”_

_“Well, not that!”_

_“Get him out of my sight and show him what happens to little bitches like him!”_

_He woke with a groan and found himself in hospital...well A &E again. He wasn’t go to stay here, where far too many questions would be asked. He went to stand, but one of his legs went from under him and the pain from hitting the floor and a sharp pain in one of his arms, caused him to let out a yelp. That drew the attention of a nurse, and to his dismay, a police officer. The nurse helped him back onto the bed and checked him over. _

_“You’ve pulled your cannula out. I’ll go and get another one” she said and placed some dressing over that area that was bleeding. “Keep pressure on it,” she said before leaving._

_The police officer sat on the edge of the bed. “How old are?”_

_Matthew said nothing._

_“I’m guessing seventeen...sixteen. How long have you been using?”_

_He looked away; it wasn’t this copper’s business._

_“They found in a well known pick up area, did one of your tricks beat you up?”_

_He ignored the officer, preferring to count the tiles on the ceiling._

_“Fair enough,” he said, then placed a card on the bed. “If you decide you need help, these people can help.”_

_He was released a few hours later and despite his injuries, he went straight back to turning tricks; he needed the money, and it wasn’t long before a john, who didn’t care that he looked like hell picked him up, and he got the money for his next fix. But if he was hoping that the cocaine would give him respite from the thoughts that always pervaded his mind, he was wrong, and his drug-sated sleep was still full of them._

He was woken by a knock at the bedroom door.

“Matthew, are you okay?”

He frowned and then realised he must have been dreaming, and he must have vocalised whatever the dream was.

“I’m fine,” he lied.

“Can I come in?”

“Sure.”

He didn’t look at Dominic as he entered, but Dominic wasn’t deterred and he sat on the bed.

“Matthew, please don’t lie any more. There’s no need to.”

He did look at Dominic then, “Isn’t there, they said that they didn’t care what I had to do to survive for twenty years. But saying it and it being true are world’s apart.”

“Matthew, your parents aren’t stupid, they can guess. But unless you trust someone, you’ll never know.”

He looked at Dominic again...could he?

 

*************************

 

Dominic could see that Matthew was gathering the courage to say something...but what.

“I don’t think I can tell them...not yet. You say I need to trust someone, can I trust you, Dominic?”

Dominic swallowed, that was one hell of a question, but he knew what his answer would be.

“You can trust me. Whatever you say to me, whether it’s here or wherever you want to talk. It will never go beyond us, not until your ready to tell your family, and I’ll be right there with you. Okay?”

Matthew nodded, then took a deep breath. “ I was twelve when he said I was too old for him. He sold me to someone else, like I was a piece of second hand furniture .He broke my shoulder the first time he tried to take me. He took me to hospital and I lied, because he told me no-one would believe me.”

It’s what people like him do,” Dominic said, trying to keep the anger out of his voice; there were a lot of sick people in the world.

“No, you don’t understand. I was in hospital for three days, and I lied for every minute of those three days.”

Dominic could hear the stress in his voice and see it on his face and in his body language.

Matthew paused, took another deep breath and if Dominic wasn't mistaken, wiped away a tear. “While I was in there lying for him, he took a another kid and he....oh Jesus, it was my fault.”

Matthew was openly crying now and Dominic pulled him into his arms. “It wasn’t your fault.”

Matthew shook his head, “I shouldn’t have fought him...then he wouldn’t have....”

Matthew paused again as a sob wracked his frame. “It would have been me, it should have been me. He didn’t just abuse the poor kid....he killed him, and it was my fault.”

Dominic held him as no more words came out, only huge sobs...dear god, all that time he’d thought he was responsible for something that evil bastard had done, and how awful must it have been for a twelve year old to want to die. He closed his eyes and allowed himself to cry and he feared that this was not the last nor the worst that he would hear from Matthew; what in god’s name was going to come and would Matthew ever be free of it?

He vowed as he held the sobbing man that he would do all he could to make that happen, even if it took a life-time. He’d realised long ago that he’d loved James and now he knew that he loved Matthew.


	26. Chapter 26

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mention of abuse and murder.........

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More of Matthew's dark past comes to the light.........

_He tried to close his ears to the sounds coming from the other bedroom, but he knew those sounds; sounds that he had made himself, until he learnt. Some time later he heard the bedroom door open and his name being shouted. He hurried to obey and he was standing by the door._

_“Get him cleaned in, then I don’t want to hear either of you again tonight.”_

_He nodded and entered the bedroom. A dark-haired boy was curled up on the bed, his body was shaking with silent sobs. He could see the blood and knew he would be in pain._

_“ You get used to it.”_

_The boy stopped crying and uncurled and tear -reddened brown eyes looked at him._

_“And the tears stop, because no-one will care. What’s your name?”_

_“Jamie Andrews.”_

_“I’m James, but he calls me David. He’ll give you a new name. How old are you?”_

_“Eleven.”_

_“I’ll be back in a minute, then you can get cleaned up and I’ll help you with the pain.”_

_“I want to go home,” Jamie said._

_“You’ll never go home again...deal with it.”_

_After that he didn’t really talk to the boy. He found clean clothes and cleaned his ‘injuries’, then left him alone._

_He was woken by a loud thump and him calling him._

_“Don’t be sick in my van,” he barked._

_“Don’t think of running, or you’ll join him,” he’d snarled, as he carried the body of Jamie in a blanket._

_He followed, so conditioned to do as he was told, that it never crossed his mind to disobey. He wanted to be sick, but the fear of what he would do to him meant that he suffered instead. When he uncovered poor Jamie, he struggled to hold back the contents of his stomach, and he let out a whimper._

_“Shut it!” he snapped, “Hold this,” he said, shoving the bloodied blanket at him. He watched as he dropped the body into a dark hole. He was then dragged back to the van, thrown into the back and................_

Matthew woke with a small cry, he was sweating and his heart was racing wildly. Why the fuck had that resurfaced? The bastard was dead, and he felt no guilt at killing him. He took a breath; the guilt was over Jamie. He may not have been able to stop him being murdered, but there was something he could do now. He dressed quickly and checking that there was no-one around, he slipped out of Dominic's house. It took him a while to find the place he never thought he would see again. His stomach turned as he stared at the rusted iron sheet that covered a grave; no-one had touched it in fourteen years. He took out the ‘burner’ phone he’d purchased.

“Hello, yes, I’d like to speak to someone in Homicide or Serious Crime. I have information about the location of Jamie Andrews body...no, I don’t want to give my name.” There was silence for a few moments.

“Detective Inspector Rowe..I’m told you have information about Jamie Andrews. How do you know that he’s dead?”

“Doesn’t matter....he just is. Do you want to know, or shall I call the papers.”

“No, where?”

As soon as he’d given the location he shut the phone off, wiped it clean and threw it into a sludgy pool of water. He hid himself and watched as the police descended on the place; at least the poor kid wouldn’t be in that stinking place any more. He couldn’t face going back to Dominic’s...not yet, so he wandered around his old haunts; not at all surprised that it hadn't changed...just new faces.

He ended up sitting on the doorstep of someone who might understand. He looked up when Kenny said. “Matthew...thank god.”

***************************

“I knew it, I knew he was a murdering bastard. But how did you...?”

Kenny trailed off when he saw the look on Matthew’s face. “Oh Mattie, he took you with him. You’ve known for fourteen years. What’s made you call the copper’s after so long?”

“Who knows...guilt...finally growing a conscience.”

“Nothing to do with guilt over killing the bastard.”

Matthew’s face told him his answer, and his snarled response. “I’d do it again if I ever came across the bastard that took me.”

Kenny let it go; no good would come from getting Matthew riled.

“Christopher Wolstenholme called me...they’re in full panic mode. Apparently you walked out really early this morning. You left you phone and they thought you’d gone again. He rang me hoping that you were with me. Why didn’t you tell me you’ve reunited with your family?”

At least Matthew looked apologetic when he said, “I should ring them.”

“Yes, you should.”

Kenny busied himself fixing something to eat and trying not to listen to the conversation.

Matthew appeared a few minutes later. “Is it okay if I stay here, just for tonight. Chris said Dominic’s pissed at me and I should let him calm down and he’ll pick me up in the morning.”

“Course.”

“I’ll sleep on the couch.”

“Absolutely not. My bed is big enough for three.”

“I don’t want to...y’know.”

“Mattie, we shared a bed for two years. Come on, if you want I build a pillow wall between us.” He smiled when he saw a hint of amusement of Matthew’s face. “Eat, then shower. I’m sure I’ve got some spare PJ’s you can have.”

As it turned out Matthew didn’t distance himself, it seemed like he wanted to be held. He hadn’t known that Matthew was back in the country until Wolstenholme had called.

“Mattie, it was like you fell off the face of the earth...where were you?” He felt and heard Matthew sigh.

“Long story.”

He tightened his hold on Matthew and said. “Well I’m not going anywhere.”

The morning came round far too quickly and so did Wosltenholme arriving.

“Matthew will be down in a minute,” he said. “Wolstenholme.”

“Yeah,” Wolstenholme answered. “It’s brilliant that he’s found his family again, and I hope that he stays in their life. We talked last night, about what happened in the States and before. Mattie may seem like he’s hardened, but he’s really not, and I think he has feelings for Dominic. So, you tell Howard, if he hurts Mattie....”

Wolstenholme nodded and then Matthew appeared. “You ready to go back?” Wosltenholme asked.

“Yeah...thanks Kenny, for last night.”

“For you Mattie, anything.”

Wosltenholme looked elsewhere when Matthew kissed him.

“See you around,” he said and then left.

He stood for a few minutes, then sighed; even after not seeing him for over ten years, he still loved Matthew. “Good luck, Mattie,” he said and wiped away a tear, knowing he probably wouldn’t see him again.


	27. Chapter 27

“Is Dominic still mad at me?”

It wasn’t the first thing Chris had expected Matthew to say.

“He was, but only because he was worried that you’d gone again.”

“I had something to do.”

“Important I hope?”

Matthew went quiet and Chris glanced over, did Matthew look pensive?

“Yes.”

He looked at Matthew again...what had he done?

Matthew must have seen the question on his face because he said, “Nothing bad, just a little closure.”

Chris sensed there was more, but he wasn’t going to press.

“Chris, can I ask you something?”

What was with Matthew; this was unusual. Matthew had a healthy mistrust of anyone associated or who had been associated with the police.  
“How about we wait till we get back?”

Again with that pensive look...something was definitely going on.

“Okay, there’s a drive-thru coffee place just up here. Just let me call Dom and tell him the traffic's bad.”

It must have been the right thing to say as Matthew seemed to relax. A few minutes later he parked, then waited.

“You worked vice, yeah?”

“I did.”

“You ever work with Serious Crime?”

“Sometimes, why?”

“Did you know a DI Rowe?”

Chris thought for a second, “Yeah.”

“Is he a good copper?”

“He is, him and his partner Tom Kirk.”

“Good.”

“Why do you ask?”

“Just wanted to know.”

“Matthew, why do you ask?”

“You’ll find out soon enough. Can we go now?”

Chris knew he wasn’t going to get any more, but he didn’t like that last statement...not at all. If he hadn’t promised his wife that he would look after their youngest whilst she took the others shopping, he would have stayed.

**************************

Dominic had been angry, but not just because he thought Matthew had run again; he’d been half-expecting it anyway. He was angry because Matthew obviously still had doubts and couldn’t confide in him. Chris being the sensible one had said that he might not have gone again...to wait and see if he came back.

By early evening his anger had turned to worry and he’d asked Chris to ring the places that Matt might have gone to. He was relieved when Chris said Matthew had called, and that he was with Kenny, but would be staying overnight. He felt a sudden flash of jealousy, Kenny was someone that Matthew had known as more than just a friend. Why was he jealous, there was nothing between himself and Matthew, and probably never would be.

Still, he was relieved that he was safe and hadn’t done a runner, and that Chris would pick him up in the morning. He actually slept well and wasn’t worried when Chris called and said the traffic was heavy, so they would be a while.

He made himself breakfast and switched on the TV to the news channel. It was mainly politics and money, so he really wasn't paying attention, until the headlines.

“Police yesterday recovered the remains of what are believed to be that of Jamie Andrews, who went missing in 2002 aged eleven.”

The picture cut to a scene of that white tenting that meant only one thing.

“A spokesman for the police said they were acting on information from an anonymous source.”

The picture then returned to the reporter, who was standing with another person.

“I’m here with Detective Inspector Thomas Kirk from the Homicide and Serious Sexual Offences Squad. Detective Inspector, what can you tell us about the current situation.”

“No much I’m afraid. Obliviously we can’t confirm that this is Jamie Andrews, until we can examine DNA samples. But we can confirm that it is the body of a male child. We would like to appeal to the person who gave us this information. We believe he may have other information vital to what is more than likely a murder, given the location of the body and its concealment. If they are for any reason afraid to come forward in person, we can assure them that they will have full anonymity. Please call us and speak to either myself of Detective Inspector Rowe.”

“And they can call you on what number?”

“The person knows the number. We would also like to talk to a person seen in the same area shortly before the phone call. He’s a white male, slim to slight build, dark brown hair, possibly black or dyed black, no more than five foot seven in height. This person may have no connection whatsoever with this case, but we do need to eliminate him from our enquiries.”

Dominic had been half paying attention, he was saddened by the fact that another young life had been snuffed out. It was only when the description of the man the police wanted to talk to came along that his attention was fully focused.

His mind span in an unpleasant direction, the description sounded way too much like Matthew. He was distracted by the door opening Matthew coming in. The report was still going and the reporter was repeating the description, but he wasn’t paying attention.

His attention was on Matthew and the expression on his face as he caught the tail end of the report.

“Matthew...was that you?”

Matthew looked at the TV, then at Dominic, his eyes wide. It was enough of a clue for Dominic to know it was true.

“You have to go, or a least call them.”

Matthew shook his head. But Dominic wasn’t having it, then it dawned on him.

”You’re the one the one who called.”

Matthew remained silent, but his eyes narrowed. Then Dominic said something he regretted the instant he said it.

“Why were you there, did you have something to do with that boy’s death?”

He expected an explosion of anger, but Matthew looked calm...but those eyes, they were like ice-chips. He shifted, suddenly uncomfortable when Matthew advanced until he was only inches away from him.

“I had to hold a blanket covered in blood and puke. Have you ever smelt blood and puke? Well, I was fourteen and was told that if I threw up he would kill me too. Did you have to do that at fourteen? Did you have to live in fear that someone might just beat you to fucking death and dump you in some shit hole in the arse-end of nowhere?”

“Matthew...I..”

He was cut off as Matthew continued.

“Fourteen years I’ve had to live with what happened that night. And why won’t I walk into a police station, you’ve seen my record. No matter what I tell them, they’ll stamp guilty on my forehead.”

“You don’t know that. I could come with you.”

Matthew stepped back, “No.”

“Matthew, someone round here would have seen you and put it together.”

“Then I’ll just go,” he said and turned and started to move away.

Dominic grabbed his arm and pulled him back.

“Let go,” he snarled.

“No, no more running...you have to face your past, or you’ll be running forever.”

“Works for me.”

Matthew tried to pull his arm free but Dominic held tight. He found himself looking into eyes that resembled fire opals; blue tinged with fire...such heat in them. But he felt another kind of heat, one that wasn’t just coming from himself, he could see it, behind the anger.

Suddenly Matthew was dragging him forward and their lips met in an rush of heat.


	28. Chapter 28

Dominic could feel the heat building as Matthew pressed him against the work-surface. His senses were reeling; he knew he shouldn’t be allowing this, but at this moment that part of his brain was overloaded with the taste of Matthew, and those hands that were now hot against his body.

Suddenly his sensible side crashed the party and he pushed Matthew away.

“No,” he said, in between heavy breaths.

Matthew, who was also breathing heavily looked at him, eyes wide with dis-belief.  
“What?”

Dominic shook his head, “ Not like this, not when I don’t know.”

Matthew was silent for a few moments, then he said in a voice that wasn’t angry, but sounded full of hurt.

“You think I’m playing you.”

“No.”

“Liar!” Matthew spat and turned away, heading for the door.

Dominic feared that he was going to walk out of the house. Matthew stopped and turned back...were those tears forming?

“For the record, I was not playing you...but who cares?”

He turned away then and Dominic tensed until Matthew hurried up the stairs and the sound of the door slamming filled the air; he hadn’t left. Then his brain kicked him squarely in the arse. Matthew hadn’t been playing him.

His brain then slapped him round the head. Matthew must have genuine feelings for him, and he just gone and trampled all over them.

************************

Matthew knew that Dominic would feel fantastic, and he did when he pressed him against the work-surface. His blood was already hot from Dominic’s response to his kissing, and a surge of heat flashed through him when his hands touched a lean body and warm skin. He was shocked then hurt when Dominic had pushed him away, telling him that this wasn’t right, and all his fears about rejection came rushing to the fore.

He managed to keep it together until he reached his bedroom, then he sank to the carpet, his back against the door, so that no-one could get in. His fears gave way to memories that no longer had any meaning.

_“Sweetheart, Dominic will love your present.”_

_“But mum, he got me such a cool present for my birthday. Mine is....”_

_“Sweetie, Dominic probably didn’t have to save all of his pocket money and deliver newspapers to get that present. It’s not the price of the present that matters, it’s the reason it’s given that’s important. If Dominic can’t see that, then he isn’t worth having as a friend.”_

_“Bells!” Dominic shouted when he saw him. “Come and see the cool presents I got!”_

_When he saw the presents he knew his was a useless present, and he felt ashamed and it seemed like Dominic hadn’t noticed his present. He felt tears coming and he didn’t want to cry in front of the other boys, so he ran and hid in a place he hoped no-one would find him._

_He hated the fact that his family didn’t have the money that Dominic's did; how could he ever match the things the others had given him? “Bells!”_

_He heard Dominic’s voice and tried to stifle a sob, but the door to his hiding place opened._

_“Wotcha doing?” Is that my present?” Dominic said, picking up the package._

_“Y-you don’t h-have to open it.”_

_He couldn’t look as he heard paper ripping._

_“Bells, I love it.”_

_He looked then, “Why, it’s rubbish.”_

_“No, it’s the best cause it came from you. You’re my best friend. Come on, there’s cake and its chocolate. I know you love chocolate cake.”_

“No,” Matthew said to himself, that was another life. He was a different person now; who would love him? Perhaps it had been a mistake to even think he could have a ‘normal life’, he should have known better. It had been a mistake to allow his conscience to get the better of him and open wounds that should have stayed closed.

There was only one answer, he would disappear again, go back to the place he’d been his happiest. He jumped when there was a knock at the door, then Dominic’s voice.

“Matthew, we need to talk.”

He didn’t answer, what was there to talk about?”

“Matthew, I didn’t push you away because I was rejecting you.”

“Just go away.”

“Please...Bells.”

His breath caught when that nickname was used. He should have felt joy at hearing it for the first time in two decades, but he only felt pain.

“Don’t call me that, I’m not him any more.”

“Just let me in.”

“No, I don’t need any more judgement.”

“I wasn’t judging you. It’s just I don’t want us to do something we would both regret.”

“Oh, so I’m a regret now...just go away, Dominic.”

“Okay, but if you want to talk.”

The buzzer going for the gate was a relief as Dominic moved away to answer it. A few minutes later he heard voices that were slightly raised. His curiosity got the better of him, but he wished it hadn’t. He opened the door a crack and listened to the conversation.  
“A man fitting this description was seen entering this house this morning. Is he here?”

“He is.”

“And does he have a name?”

“Sorry, but he’s here as part of my counselling programme, so no name, patient confidentiality and all.”

“Mister Howard, we just want to talk to him.”

“Then I’ll let him know that you would like to talk to him.”

Matthew shut the door, this visit from the police had made his mind up...he would leave, before his family found out what their son did and had done for the last twenty years. There was only one thing he wanted to do before he left.

He’d gotten very good at slipping away unnoticed, but he did feel a twinge of guilt when he heard Dominic moving about in the kitchen. But that was forgotten the moment he left the house and set off for his first destination.

A little while later he was standing by a grave; his Nana’s.

“You were the one who gave me my love of music, I know you would hate what I do now, but you wouldn’t hate me. Say hi to Grandad for me,” he said as he placed the flowers he’d brought.

A couple of hours later he was calling the person that had been his saviour and friend.

“Sonny...I know, I’ll explain later. Can you pick me up at New Street station. No, I’m back for good.”


	29. Chapter 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The time is coming for Matthew to chose......

“Mattie?” Sonny said, getting Matthew’s attention as he placed a mug in front of him. He hadn’t heard from Matthew since he’d left with Dominic Howard.

He also noticed that Matthew had changed; he seemed to be withdrawn and way too quiet, and he couldn’t fail to notice the still healing scar on his left cheek; one to now match the faded white scar on the other side.

A unwanted memory surfaced about that now faded scar.

_“He’s late, Ronnie. He never misses my Friday night turn.”_

_“You worry too much about that boy. He’s probably found himself some rich john and is making a nice little profit, and he’s a tough little bastard, he can look after himself.”_

_“Whatever, I still worry and he’s never late for my Friday turn.”_

_All through his act he scanned the room, but there was no shock of blue hair, where was he? After he’d finished he was gasping for a ciggie....yes he knew he’d promised to give them up, but the worry of why Matthew was late was stressing him. He’d just lit up when he heard noise from further down the alley where they were allowed to smoke._

_“Hello?” he said, but when there was no reply, he shrugged his shoulder, thinking it must have been a rat. Then the noise came again and it sounded like a groan...there was definitely someone there._

_“Look, whoever you are, you better get lost. The club doesn’t like drunks or junkies in this alley.”_

_“Sonny?”_

_He dropped the cigarette...that sounded like....then Matthew appeared and all Sonny could see was the bloody slice on his right cheek._

Matthew never did tell him the truth about how he got that cut, but he’d guessed that it was ‘work’ related, and like most of the ‘disputes’ ended in some sort of violence. But something changed in Matthew that night, as after that he began to carry the knives that never left his side.

He was pretty certain he wasn’t going to get an answer about this scar either, but still he had to try.

“So, how did that happen?” he said, gesturing towards the still angry wound.

“Not important,” was the reply.

He shook his head, then said, “You never called me in six months...was London that good?”

“Wasn’t in London.”

“Why, I thought you were there with Dominic Howard.”

“Something happened, had to leave....the country, not London.”

“Mattie, what was so bad......oh,” he stopped. “Mattie.....what did you do?”

“I killed someone.”

Sonny was still confused, why would Matthew say that; he wasn’t a killer. Then it came to him in a cold wave.

“It was one of your abusers, wasn’t it?”

Matthew nodded.

“Oh Mattie....but he deserved it.”

Matthew shook his head, “It felt good at the time....killing a monster. Feeling his blood warm on my hands. Revenge felt good....revenge for all the poor sods he damaged. But it just lead to hell, Sonny....lead to this,” he pointed at the scar, and then lifted his t-shirt and Sonny blinked at....was that the letter M carved into his back?

“Lead to this.....lead to me believing I deserved it all. Lead to nearly dying from a dirty fix.”

Sonny kept quiet, letting Matthew talk, knowing it was what was needed...what Matthew needed. He hadn’t expected a confession to murder; even if it was one of the evil bastards that abused him. He was shocked at what had happened in LA, and surprised that Matthew had let it happen....oh Mattie, how far have you fallen?

“Then I thought something good had happened. I found my family again and it was good, until I grew a conscience and it all went to shit.”

“Mattie, how can having a conscience be a bad thing?”

“Do you remember me telling about that kid?”

“Yes, he died , fell into some kind of water and drowned...poor kid. He was a friend, wasn’t he.”

“He didn’t drown, the bastard that I killed, he beat him to death one night.”

“Oh Mattie, and you heard it all.”

“Heard and then he dragged me along to where he dumped him, then he got a kick out of raping me afterwards in the back of a van with blood and fuck knows what else on the floor. You might have seen it on the news...yeah I can see you did. Fourteen fucking years I carried that with me, and forty-eight hours ago I called the police and told them where they could find him. I did it all anonymously, but someone must have seen me and it all went south after that. They came knocking at Dominic’s door, asking if I was there. I couldn’t talk to them, as soon as they found who I was and with my record, guess who would be the number one suspect.”

“So you ran..again. Does Dominic know that you left?”

That received a vehement shake of the head, but no verbal answer. Sonny narrowed his eyes, there was something else going, something to do with Dominic and finding his family again. He didn’t push it; he didn’t want Matthew to run again.

“You look done in, honey. You need a long bath, some food and some sleep. At least this time I have a spare bedroom, will you stay?”

Matthew let out a long sigh, then nodded.

“Good...but if you steal Ronnie’s good shampoo, he’ll have your balls on a string.”

He was happy to see that the warning raised a smile, albeit a faint one.

“Okay, I’ll just borrow yours then,” Matthew said before disappearing into the bathroom.

“Cheeky bastard,” Sonny said, then sobered. He couldn’t let things lie as they were. He bided his time, waiting until Matthew had showered, and had grudgingly eaten and had borne a hug and a ‘ don’t you know what a phone is’ from Ronnie when he came home and had then been hustled to bed.

He then told Ronnie everything.

“So, what do you think I should do?”

“Don’t call the police, that monster got what he deserved. But you have to call Dominic... he and his family must be going spare. He can’t go back to that life, he deserves some bloody happiness, whether he wants it or not.”

With Ronnie squeezing his hand in encouragement, he dialled a number that he had never used.

“Dominic Howard,” the voice.  
“Dominic, it Sonny...yeah. It’s Matthew, he’s here with me. No, I’ve moved from there, you should come now, you can get here before he wakes up. I’ll text you my address and post code..okay. See you then.”

He rang off and look at Ronnie.

“Oh, I hope I’m doing the right thing. I love that kid to bits, I’ll hate myself if this is the wrong thing to do.”

“It isn’t love...I love the little reprobate too. We will make him see that too, it’s time Mattie stopped running.”


	30. Chapter 30

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Has a final choice been made...........

Dominic didn’t realise that Matthew had gone again, until he he went to knock of his bedroom door, to tell him that there was some lunch if he wanted it. This time he wasn’t angry....just saddened. He really thought that reuniting with his family would ground Matthew, give him a reason to leave his old life behind; and maybe reconnect with the James that Dominic remembered. But he guessed it wasn’t to be. His sadness was also tinged with guilt, had his rejection been the thing that drove Matthew away, or had it been the police calling, fear that his act of conscience would lead to less pleasing circumstances.He did of course try and call Matthew's phone, but as expected, it was now non-existent. Matthew was smart, if he didn’t want to be found, he wouldn’t be.

He still called Chris, who said he would keep his ears open, but hadn’t been surprised. But Paul and the rest of Matthew’s family, that would be a different matter. He would hold off telling Matthew’s parents, but he had to tell Paul.

“He was afraid they would just label him as a suspect because he was there.”

He didn’t tell him about the encounter in the kitchen, let them think he ran because of his fear and distrust of the police.#

“We can find him again, can’t we? Then we can sort out this thing with the police.”

“Paul, we don’t have a clue as to where he’s gone. His phone is dead, and he’s smart enough not to leave any clues. Chris said he would try, but we may never see him again.”

“No Dom, I won’t accept that, and neither should you. Twenty years of never knowing, then he’s back in our lives. I am not losing him for another twenty years. We found him once, we can find him again.”

Dominic’s mobile ringing halted the conversation. He was surprised that it was Sonny.

Paul looked at him expectantly. “Matthew’s in Birmingham . We have to go now, before he gets a chance to disappear again.”

***************************

 

_He always liked his appointment with this particular client. He was one of the few that he actually stayed the night with. The man always treated him like he was a lover, not like a expensive whore that most of his customers did. The client’s, he couldn’t bring himself to call him by his first name, except in bed house was tastefully decorated and furnished; he had money but didn’t flaunt it, unless you counted the Bentley as flaunting your wealth. He didn’t care about the car, the client had something far more precious; he had a music room._

_“I saw you looking at my piano, do you play Matthew?” he asked as they lay in bed._

_“I did, until I was eight.” “Oh, why did you stop?” “Things happened, Craig.” He was relieved when he didn't ask what._

_“You can play it when you’re here, if you want. I’d like to hear you play.”_

_It was on his third appointment that he dared to touch the piano. He was there as his ‘companion’ at a dinner party. He’d grown bored of the conversation and had sought refuge in the music room. He found himself absent-mindedly tinkering with the keys, the notes a soothing sound to his ears. He jumped when he felt a hand on his shoulder._

_“My guests are going now. Were they that intellectually un-stimulating? Play me something.”_

_“I don’t know if I can, it’s been so long.”_

_His client took hold of one of his hands and said, “These are pianists hands...musicians hands, hands that were born to create magic. Please Matthew, play for me.”_

_He sighed and closed his eyes, trying to remember the piece he was going to play at the Academy, but another piece came into his head instead._

_“Matthew, that was beautiful.”_

_He didn’t realise he’d stopped playing until the client had spoken. Panic suddenly welled up inside him as feelings he hadn’t felt in a long time threatened to surface._

_“I have to go,” he said, his heart racing. He headed for the door, but the client grabbed his arm, not tightly but enough to make him turn._

_“Stay, please.”_

_He shook his head,” I have other appointments.”_

_“Not stay as in for the night...stay with me.”_

_He felt a twinge of sadness, he really did like Craig....no, he had to remember he was a client._

_“I can’t,” he said and left. He never saw the client with the Bentley again, but he never forgot how it felt to play a piano again._

Matthew blinked awake, maybe he would contact the client with the Bentley. He needed to start working again....get back into and get back to the top of a world that he knew he should never have left. He scrolled through the phone that he had all of his clients numbers on and dialled the clients number. He couldn’t believe that his hands were shaking....would this client reject him now that he was marked.

“Hello, is this Craig?”

“Yes, who’s speaking?”

“It’s Matthew.” “Matthew.” 

“I know it’s been a couple of years, but do you still....”

“Matthew, I never gave up hope that I would see you again. When can I see you?”

“Whenever you’re free?”

“Matthew, I would make time for you. Shall I pick you up at the usual place?”

“No, I’m somewhere else.”

“Matthew, are you in some kind of trouble?”

“Please, just pick me up, as soon as possible.” He gave him Sonny’s address. “I’ll be waiting outside, then I’ll explain.”

“I’m coming, I shall bring two of my security staff as well.”

“Okay.”

He rang off then and left the bedroom and walked into the living area. “I’m going now, thanks for the use of the bed.”

“Mattie, why don’t you stay for a bit,” Sonny said. “Ronnie wants to hear what happened in the States.”

He immediately felt like something wasn’t right; surely Sonny would have told Ronnie by now. “You called them, didn’t you? You called Dominic, when I asked you not to....I can’t believe...”

“I did it for your benefit, Mattie,” Sonny said.

“Don’t call me that!” he snapped. He shook his head and he felt tears forming. “I can’t trust any fucking one. Bye Sonny, you won’t see me again.”

“Mattie, wait!”

But the door slamming cut Sonny’s words off. He wiped away the tears...it hurt, more than the beatings and the abuse. He never thought the man he considered to be his big brother would betray his trust. Well that was that then...he couldn’t trust anyone but himself...fine, then that was how it was going to be.

He couldn’t hear anyone following him, good, he didn’t want any more lies. He heard the sound of a car...no two cars. The first car that appeared was the Bentley...then a few moments later another car appeared. He looked at the Bentley and the client stepped out, along with his two bodyguards.

He looked over when the other cars doors opened and he saw Dominic, Paul and Chris step out.

“Matthew, don’t,” Dominic said.

“Please, Matthew,” his brother said.

He looked over at the client, who was frowning in concern.

“Matthew, are those men bothering you?”

He shook his head and walked over to the client. “ Shall we go, Craig,” he said.

Craig smiled and held out his hand and he took it. He looked over at Dominic and Paul, hoping they got the message...he’d made his choice.

To Be Continued...........


End file.
